Struggling With This Silence
This morning I'm meditating on Mary and Martha in their crisis and putting myself in their situation. They were, after all, human beings, as I am. I'm visualizing how many times I have anointed the feet of Jesus as Mary did, and how many delicious meals I've cooked for him as Martha did. I'm remembering our meaningful, intimate conversations both of us and Lazarus, our brother, have shared with Jesus. And I'm remembering how much we three have come to depend on our friend and Savior, Jesus Christ. We are convinced there is nothing our closest friend and Teacher cannot or will not do for us. We know he is The Son of God!
Then our brother falls gravely ill, and we immediately send word to Jesus that the one he loves is seriously ill. Hour-by-hour, we wait at the door for Jesus to arrive, or at least for a messenger he will surely send. Day after day, our hearts sink as nothing but silence comes from this God-man we adore. We know he loves us, so why isn't he answering our emergency call?
We hear absolutely nothing in response to our 911 call! What an opportunity for our own humanness to rise up with doubts and questions! What an opportunity for the enemy of our souls to whisper insinuations, accusations, and fear into our spirit ears. Logic tells us Jesus would have the common courtesy to at least send a messenger! But no, nothing but silence.
Then our brother dies. We are discouraged, embarrassed in front of our friends -- they all know how close the four of us are -- and confused. We feel totally abandoned by the one we trusted most.
Father, how often I have reminded you of my petition, showed you my watch, pointed out the date on the calendar, and asked if You even heard my cries! How tempted I am to remind you of all I've done "in Your name", and how I'm Your child, and how could You hang me out to dry like this? I peruse my journals, and the one question that keeps popping up is, "Is this how You mean for a child of Yours to live?"
Oswald Chambers calls this the "Grace of Silence", but it does not feel like a "grace" at all! It feels like total abandonment. So I'm grateful for the rest of John 11 and the rest of the story. I'm told that Jesus deliberately waited! It would seem like such a cold act were it not for the unveiling of his higher plan: to solidify, once and for all, his identity to Martha, Mary, Lazarus, all those eye-witnesses, and to me so many thousands of years later.
Father, today I am encouraged, once again, in Your total sovereignty. I realize I have needs You know of, and will take care of -- needs I don't even know I have! Mary and Martha thought their need was for Jesus to keep their brother from dying. But You saw their hidden need: the need to know, forever, who Jesus really was, is, and ever more shall be: God Almighty!
Thank You, Father, that even now, as I struggle with my own silence, You have shared the rest of the story!
Then our brother falls gravely ill, and we immediately send word to Jesus that the one he loves is seriously ill. Hour-by-hour, we wait at the door for Jesus to arrive, or at least for a messenger he will surely send. Day after day, our hearts sink as nothing but silence comes from this God-man we adore. We know he loves us, so why isn't he answering our emergency call?
We hear absolutely nothing in response to our 911 call! What an opportunity for our own humanness to rise up with doubts and questions! What an opportunity for the enemy of our souls to whisper insinuations, accusations, and fear into our spirit ears. Logic tells us Jesus would have the common courtesy to at least send a messenger! But no, nothing but silence.
Then our brother dies. We are discouraged, embarrassed in front of our friends -- they all know how close the four of us are -- and confused. We feel totally abandoned by the one we trusted most.
Father, how often I have reminded you of my petition, showed you my watch, pointed out the date on the calendar, and asked if You even heard my cries! How tempted I am to remind you of all I've done "in Your name", and how I'm Your child, and how could You hang me out to dry like this? I peruse my journals, and the one question that keeps popping up is, "Is this how You mean for a child of Yours to live?"
Oswald Chambers calls this the "Grace of Silence", but it does not feel like a "grace" at all! It feels like total abandonment. So I'm grateful for the rest of John 11 and the rest of the story. I'm told that Jesus deliberately waited! It would seem like such a cold act were it not for the unveiling of his higher plan: to solidify, once and for all, his identity to Martha, Mary, Lazarus, all those eye-witnesses, and to me so many thousands of years later.
Father, today I am encouraged, once again, in Your total sovereignty. I realize I have needs You know of, and will take care of -- needs I don't even know I have! Mary and Martha thought their need was for Jesus to keep their brother from dying. But You saw their hidden need: the need to know, forever, who Jesus really was, is, and ever more shall be: God Almighty!
Thank You, Father, that even now, as I struggle with my own silence, You have shared the rest of the story!
(c) 2004, 2007 April Lorier
2 comments:
I just lost my husband of 49 years and I am struggling with my silence, too. This article helped me immensely, and I thank you.
I'm so sorry for your loss. 49 years is a very long time. I will pray God wraps His arms around you and comforts you.