An Eleanor Ribgy Christmas

Anyone over the age of 35 remembers Paul McCartney’s lyrics in “Eleanor Rigby”. He asks who is she putting on the face cream for? And poor Father McKenzie who’s writing a sermon that no one will hear. Both very lonely people described by Paul, and he asks where all these lonely people come from and where they belong.

I think about this song during this Christmas Season. I think about the widow who devoted her life to her husband for fifty years and now he’s gone. She’s left with memories that just make her lonelier during this “festive” season. Who cares about her? Who makes time to make sure she is invited to Christmas Dinner, or who pays for her to have her hair done so she can feel pretty again?

Then my mind wanders to the 37 year-old single mother of three small boys. Her husband decided he didn’t want to be a father anymore and he just left. Who cares if she has enough food for breakfast, much less for a Christmas Dinner? Who cares if her children have a tree, much less any small gift under it?

And then there’s the 65 year old man whose wife has just died. How could she leave him just before Christmas? She was the one who always decorated the house, put on the Bing Crosby CDs, and filled the house with spicy fragrances from her ginger bread men. She’s the one who made sure he talked to his daughter and his grandchildren on the other side of the world. Why don’t they just shut down Christmas and all of its happy music? He sits in his chair and wishes it had been him who left. Life is just too hard now, and hearing all of this happy stuff just makes him feel worse.

And finally, there’s the woman who built her life around her husband for so long that she lost herself. Then he left so he could be “free” to have girlfriends and party on. She sits on the couch wondering who she used to be. She can’t remember anything she enjoys doing, so she shuts herself in. She tried going back to church, but everyone sat in pairs and no one seemed to notice her. Or, if someone did notice her it was with a look of Well, I wonder what you did to run your husband off?

How many of us are so absorbed in our own little world of “Merry Christmas!” that we never think about those who are struggling through this “happy” time of year? I fantasize about living in a world where children are taught to adopt a senior citizen in a home for Christmas; where the focus is on giving time and attention to those whose loneliness is magnified during this season; where children save their nickels to buy some bath powder for their adopted senior citizen so she can feel special when she sits down to Christmas Dinner with them; where kids take time to play checkers with their adopted “grandpa”.

Would it really be so hard to give 10% of our time and attention to someone who’s alone during this season when we celebrate the birth of Christ?

My parents took me to Old Folks’ Homes from the time I was six, and we took small gifts, talked to them like they mattered, and then all of us gathered to sing Christmas Carols while Mama played either the piano or the accordion. Sometimes I took my dog “Freckles” so they could pet her while she licked their hands. These were the forgotten people who were never touched unless it was a medical procedure! They cherished Freckles’ licks!

As an adult I continue to visit the forgotten and entertain them with songs that make them feel vibrant and alive! It’s always the same pattern: a few Christmas Carols, then it is the old hymns they want to hear. Occasionally, there are residents who play the violin or some other instrument, and we have a quasi-orchestra going!

And then we get real! “Honey, do you know any of the World War II songs?” Do I know them! I did musical gigs for years that were strictly songs from the forties! These were supper clubs that had walls decorated with Humphrey Bogart, John Wayne, and the entire array of beautiful movie stars from that era. Thankfully, I had access to my mom’s sheet music, and I learned them all! I even learned songs from the ‘30s, so I was armed and ready for all requests! The look of rapture on these old folks’ faces was all I needed to motivate me to give everything I had during these performances! They were listening in their wheel chairs, but they were decades back in memory. I always wondered what wonderful memories they were having as they sang along.

Touching people at Christmas is what Christ would have done. And because Christmas is, to me, a time when I should exhibit His love the most, it’s only natural that I would want to bring joy and affection to those who have been forgotten. I know how it feels to be forgotten, and I want to do all I can to erase that feeling from others, even if it’s only during the happiest time of the year. I get a bigger blessing than they do!

©2007 April Lorier Perspective