New Year, New Attitude From a Princess!

So today ends the old year and tomorrow begins the New Year. How was this year for you? Full of stress? Yeah, mine, too. But tonight at midnight I will be acting in accordance with my "new attitude"!

I am a Christian who has allowed herself to become discouraged this year. I've cried, been downhearted, defeated and discouraged. I'm ashamed to admit I have not always trusted God to provide, comfort, or order my steps. Because my faith has wavered, my esteem has suffered. How silly of me! I know who I am in God's eyes: a cherished, protected, beautiful daughter of The King of Kings! I am a Princess!

As I look back over the years, I can see how my Heavenly Father has surprised me with so many little and big "trinkets" of blessing. His word says (Zephaniah) that He rejoices over me with singing! Can you imagine? The King of Kings singing over me? Oh, my heart can hardly contain itself with joy over that knowledge! I am just too blessed to be stressed!

I offer this well-known poem (the author is unknown) in hopes that it will start the New Year off just right for you, too!

Too Blessed To Be Stressed;
Too Anointed To Be Disappointed!

I refuse to be discouraged, to be sad or to cry.

I refuse to be downhearted and here's the reason why:

I have a God who is Almighty; who is sovereign and supreme;

I have a God who loves me, and I am on His team.

He is all wise and powerful; Jesus is His name;

Though everything is changeable, my God remains the same.

I refuse to be defeated.

My eyes are on God.

He has promised to be with me, as through this life I trod.

I am looking past my circumstances, to heavens throne above.

My prayers have reached the heart of God.

I am resting in His love.

I give thanks to Him in everything.

My eyes are on His face.

The battle is His; the victory is mine;

He will help me win the race.

I repeat, "I'm too blessed to be stressed!"

(Author Unknown)

April Lorier

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Too Crazy Not To Share

I received this from my New York friend who's a little crazy, and it made me laugh. So if you need a laugh today, read on...

Ways to Maintain a Healthy Level of Insanity

1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.

2. Page yourself over the office intercom. Don't disguise your voice.

3. In the memo field of all your checks, write " Diamond Smuggling"

4. Finish all your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy."

5 . Don't use any punctuation

6. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat.

7. Specify repeatedly that your drive-through order is "To Go."

8. Sing along, real loud, at the opera.

9. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme?

10. Have your co-workers address you by your wrestling name, "Rock Bottom".

11. When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I Won! I Won!"

12. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling "Run for your life! I think it's loose!!"

(Hope a couple of the ways made you laugh!)

April Lorier

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Mandisa, Living Out Her Faith On American Idol

As part of my morning devotional I was watching Mandisa sing "It's Only The World". You remember Mandisa. Even if you are not an American Idol watcher, clips of her response to Simon Cowell were played on almost every station during the fifth season of Idol.

Cowell, known for his sharp tongue had insulted her on national television, asking if they had a bigger stage this year to accommodate this over-weight contestant. She was devastated because, as she said in an interview with Raquel Dunn,

"It was my worst fear come true, because it’s been the biggest struggle of my life and because it’s something I feel so vulnerable about. For him to have said that and for it to air on national television -- I was devastated. After the show was over, just a bunch of my friends gathered around me and they began to pray for me. They began to pray for Simon. They asked the Lord to have mercy on him, and they began to ask the Lord to help me to forgive Simon. I realized in that moment that this was about so much more than me and my hurt feelings."

She told how the Idol producers were setting her and the other contestants up for confrontation that would boost Idol's ratings. They looked right at her and told her to go back out there and give him what for, and they would bleep out any words that were not "TV-friendly." But she shocked the world with her response to Cowell.

Keep in mind that Mandisa's father abandoned her when she was only two years old. She always thought it was her fault that Daddy had left. Then, at 16 years of age, she was brutally raped. She self-comforted with food and that led to a food addiction. Hence, the obesity.

Sexually abused females often hide behind a protective wall of fat. The subconscious tells them no one will want to come close enough to violate them if they are repulsively obese. Mandisa was no different in that respect. But she was different in how she responded to the mean spirited words of Simon Cowell for millions to witness.

"You hurt me,” she said to Simon on that show. “It was painful. It really was. But I want you to know that I have forgiven you. You don’t need someone to apologize in order to forgive somebody. I figured that if Jesus could die so that all of my sins could be forgiven, I could certainly extend that same grace to you.”

The look on Simon's face was priceless!

It was obvious old snarky Cowell had been totally disarmed. After gathering himself, he told her he was completely humbled and he deigned to hug her with appreciation for her Christ-like spirit. It was one of the best moments ever on television!

I've thought about Mandisa ever since then. And now that she has a book out (Idol Eyes), I am even more grateful for the testimony she displayed before the viewers.

As I've mentioned before, I do not like watching Idol for many reasons. Besides the pain of watching people humiliate themselves on television, I also equate the Idol audience with the blood-thirsty spectators of the Roman Gladiator Games. So Mandisa's Christ-like response to Cowell was even more profound because it was in that kind of atmosphere.

She did exactly as Jesus taught in Luke 6:27-28.

"But I say to you who hear: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, and pray for those who spitefully use you."

She did not wait for Cowell to ask for her forgiveness! She did exactly as Christ told His followers to do. Realizing this was about so much more than her hurt feelings, and she acted out her faith in Jesus Christ for the entire world to witness.

I'm guessing it would be redundant, at this point, to say that Mandisa is one of my heroes. But even more importantly, God is pleased with her. She brings her Father much pleasure, and in return, He has freed her from her bondage of self-protection. And she is looking "fine" these days with her weight loss, her book, her modeling career with Ashley Stewart, her CDs and all of her loyal fans.

I am one of them.

©2007 April Lorier

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Brian Wilson and The Power Of Words

Every year I watch The Kennedy Center Honors. This was the thirtieth year, and the most profound for me. I enjoyed the eclectic mixture of honorees once again. This year those honored were Diana Ross, Steve Martin, Martin Scorsese, Brian Wilson and pianist Leon Fleisher. It was, once again, a wonderful way to end the year. But it was also very sad for me.

Art Garfunkel gave an inspiring, poetic speech about song writer and Beach Boys founder, Brian Wilson. He called Wilson "our Mozart of Rock and Roll." I guess one would have to be a musician to understand what a gift Brian Wilson was given. His early love for the vocal harmonies of the Four Freshman, plus his attraction for the energy of Chuck Berry inspired Brian to compose never-before-heard counter-point melodies of great sophistication, but with a beat for dancing.

I kept watching the face of this genius, Brian Wilson, and the sadness in me grew until I could no longer hold back the tears. We heard Garfunkel enumerate the successes of the Beach Boys, thanks to Brian, and then he said, “But Brian’s spirit was too fragile. He lived in the prison of his own days.” All during this entire tribute, the stoicism on Brian’s face was sad and creepy. No emotion, whatsoever, was visible through the entire tribute. Even when Hootie and the Blowfish were performing “I Get Around” and “California Girls” – the entire audience was dancing, clapping, singing along, including President and First Lady Bush – Brian never flinched. He eventually was able to clap his hands, but that face showed no emotion whatsoever.

Because I know something about Brian’s upbringing with his domineering, abusive father, and the guilt Brian felt over his father’s death after he fired his dad as manager, I was over-empathizing with his pain. I was being transported back to a time when I, too, was being physically and verbally abused. During this voyage, I realized something for the first time: The physical abuse, though it was bloody and painful at the time, was now only a fact like any other fact in my life. I no longer felt the pain of the physical abuse, nor did I have any emotions (or dreams) associated with it.

It was those words that still stung, all these years later.

Words have enormous power, either positive or negative, but never neutral. Those words my mother used still echo, at times, as if I were standing in a deep canyon and the words are playing in quadraphonic sound. If I am tired, sick, or if I have been let down by someone I trusted, those old tapes automatically turn on and beat me down – unless I immediately reject them.

Proverbs 18:21 says, The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit. Now I realize King Solomon literally had the power of life and death in his words. He was the King! But metaphorically, our tongues also have the power of life and death because words spoken, especially by parents, are potent. God’s words are omnipotent, and our words are potent because we are made in the image of God. And to a child, the parent is God. If Mama or Daddy says a child is stupid, it is gospel!

I don’t care what a child is hit with – a hand, a belt, or a switch – nothing does more damage to a kid than negative words. The damage is not apparent immediately, but it is much more pernicious in the formation of that child’s soul (mind, will, emotions).

I’ve known of cases where the parent verbally abuses a child, then tries to make up for it with toys, treats, or even hugs. But it never works!

Only words can wipe away words!

I was very blessed to have surrogates at critical growth times in my life. I know these surrogate mothers, sisters, and brothers were brought into my life by a loving God Who knew they could wipe away some of the damage I sustained in my family of origin. Margaret, the teacher who changed my self-perception was one of the most affirming people God blessed me with. She told me what a “wonderful story teller I was” instead of what a “liar” I was! She praised my creativity instead of telling me how I brought shame to my father! She made me see the talent God had given me in music, poetry, and writing.

What is amazing to me is that my mother was loaded with artistic talent. She was a brilliant artist, dress designer, and a musician. But she never inspired me to anything but failure because of her words. However, because of Margaret’s words I later earned a living as a pianist and as a vocalist. I was able to earn two degrees in Music Composition. Because of Margaret’s encouragement, I won dozens of awards with my piano and vocal performances. (This made my parents value me. How ironic.) Because of her words I became an award-winning poet and writer. Oh, genetically I was set up with natural talent in the arts; but bound by the negative words planted during my childhood, I would never have made it without the healing words of Margaret.

Margaret’s words of inspiration and encouragement literally saved my life. There were times when the pain was so bad I did not want to live. But then Margaret’s words – those words inspiring me, encouraging me, praising me – would come to me like a sweet refrain of God’s fresh spring rain, washing away all of the negative power binding me.

I wondered, as I watched Brian’s face, did he ever have inspiring, encouraging, healing words to wash away the ones from his father’s voice? I realize Brian became very self-destructive after his father was gone; but the words spoken by his dad lived on. That’s why I was so sad watching this brilliant man, totally incapable of expressing any emotion at all. I thanked God, right then, right there, for the gift of healing He had given me through surrogates’ inspiring, encouraging, and wonderfully healing words. I pray Margaret is eating the fruit of her life-affirming words, for I am truly blessed.

©2007 April Lorier

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Tragedy on Christmas Eve Day

It was Christmas Eve yesterday, and I was busy writing when I heard a frantic knock at my door. I looked out the window and saw my neighbor, Rachael. She was hysterical and incoherent, but I figured out a strange man had just appeared in her front room, sat in her easy chair and refused to leave. Rachael lives alone and she’s in her late seventies, but she was demanding that this man leave immediately. He appeared to be drunk, so she left her house and came running to mine, phone in hand.

She had called 911, and was trembling so bad I thought surely she would fall. I put my arms around her and asked her, in a calm voice, if her grandchildren were in the house. No. OK, was the strange man still in there? Yes. OK, we would wait for the police to arrive, and we would wait on my porch. All of this time, I was rubbing her back, trying to calm her down.

About six minutes later, out came the man. It was clear to me he was not drunk, but was mentally in trouble. He shuffled past my house, never looking at us, and kept shuffling to the next house, then the next. He sat down on the ground and looked back to see if we were watching him. Boy, were we ever watching him!

Eventually, he struggled to get up, opened the mailbox, saw there was nothing in it, then started up the sidewalk to enter the house. I knew that was the house where a woman had died on Thanksgiving, and I feared for the surviving aged husband who lived inside. I ran to the house next door, banged on the door, and asked Alan to help us. I explained what was going on, and he said, “April the deranged man is Bub. He lives there. His wife died on Thanksgiving.” I argued with him because this man did not look like the Bub I had seen, but he asserted it was, indeed, the same man.

For the next two hours, we were surrounded by twelve policemen in six cars, lots of commotion, then the Crisis Team, and eventually the Paramedic Van. The police had asked Alan if Bub had any family, and Alan had told them of a niece who “lived in L.A. and visited about three times a year.” So, there was no one – no family member, no friend available to help Bub. They drove poor Bub off to a mental hospital and left his two little dogs behind in an empty house.

Later that day, we learned Bub’s niece lived in the same gated community! She was a five-minute walk away from his house, but didn’t care enough to know what was happening to this poor man who couldn’t deal with the loss of his 50-year partner in life! My heart screamed as tears flooded down my face. How could a family member be so insensitive to this lost man? It was an “Eleanor Rigby Christmas” all over again!

This morning, I’m having my Bible Study in I Timothy 5, and I get to verse 8:

But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

I thought of Mama, the woman who had abused me so severely in my childhood. She was ebullient, funny, talented and very moody. Years later, she was widowed and wasn’t making it financially. I had gone through all the therapy, counseling, and struggling with God, and had come to a place of total forgiveness, acceptance, and an understanding of her problems that led to her moodiness. I asked God what He would have me do about Mama’s financial condition and I felt God was showing me, through His Word, that it was my responsibility to support her, even if it meant tithing to her, as unto The Lord. Some of the people in my life thought I was crazy, but I felt I had heard from God. So, five years later, when she was killed coming out of church, I had no regrets over how I had treated her. I had total peace because I had followed the leading of The Holy Spirit.

Today my heart aches for the niece and for Bub. I tremble when I think of what’s in store for the niece, and I want to cry for this poor abandoned man. Oh, Lord, it’s such a broken world I live in. There’s so much pain all around me, and I’m but one person. But I promise You I will do what I can whenever You present a need to me. Today I’m grateful I know Your Son as we celebrate Him coming down to earth to meet our needs.

(c) 2007 April Lorier, Christmas Day

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Hurry Up And Grow!

Would you expect a four-month-old baby to be able to play hide’n’seek, or to carry on an articulate conversation? No? Why not? That’s what some of us Christians expect from four-month-old Christians! We expect that “new nature” to kick right into high gear and immediately mature into perfection!

I’ve been thinking about the growing process for born-again Children of God. What provoked my thought was remembering one of my children’s friends who was born-again, but there was no instantaneous life change as we all expected. We wondered if he was truly saved? It’s a good thing God protected this teenager from our self-righteous, unreal expectations!

In 2 Peter 3:18, we are admonished to grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. What exactly does that mean?

All plants have a growth “time table” built into them by their Creator. Even plants of the same species will have a different time table, depending on the environment, the genetics, and the care given to each plant. It’s even more prominent in human children!

I remember when my daughter’s son, Jacob, was born. Boy, the game was on and it was a competitive game, too! Did he smile as soon as his cousin? Did he stand up at the same age as his cousins? What was wrong with Jacob that he didn’t start walking the very week his cousin did? Oh, my! It was a desperate, vicious game that I hated! Of course, being an only child, Jacob has far surpassed his cousins, especially in the writing of his name, memorization of scripture, and memorization of songs. No competition!

The four stages of growth for a newly born Christian are as follows

1. “Baby Stage” (Carnal Christians) found in I Corinthians 3:1-4. These are lives to be served by more mature Christians. They are not to be criticized, any more than we would criticize a six-month old baby for not running, jumping, or carrying on an articulate conversation.
2. “Little Child Stage” (Childish, easily flattered, resentful, gossipy, making scenes like little children do) found in I John 2:13. These are the ones we must be patient with, but also teaching them by example as parents do.
   
3. “Young Man Stage” (Strong, virile, able to overcome the enemy) found in I John 2:13. These are the Christians with vision for the future and sufficient faith to tackle it! These are the ones we back up with prayer, for they are the future of The Church!
4. “Father or Mother Stage” (Mature spiritually) found in I John 2:13. These are the ones who have peace with God, have learned contentment under all circumstances, and rejoice in their own spiritual children. These are the ones who will teach most effectively, both with words and by example.

It takes years to move from one stage to another, which is why we’re told that new Christians should not have positions in The Church that belong to the last two stages. The Baby Christians and the Little Child Christians are too easily side tracked and can end up back at the beginning too easily.

When a person is born-again, he (or she) will have two natures: one worldly and one brand new Christlike nature. It takes time in the Word to put on the mind of Christ, to renew our minds through the regeneration of The Word. (Romans 12)

I pray God will forgive those of us who put our own expectations on these exuberant baby Christians. We dare not offend one of His little ones, for we know what the consequences will be.

I don’t know why we expect a new Christian to suddenly be acting as a mature Christian would. Maybe it’s our own spiritual immaturity that causes us to expect more than God expects. All I know, is it’s a good thing God is as patient with us as He is with His newly-born babes in Christ.
(c) 2007 April Lorier

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Best Gift For All Kids from Mom and Dad

The short answer is for the man to set the example of love for them to emulate. To love their Mamas in an obvious way! And for their Mamas to make it clear that she respects their Daddy as the head of the house. Why?

Paul said it so plainly:

The wife sets the example of submission.

The husband sets the example of loving.

Each makes it easier for the other by taking the lead in his or her own unique contribution to the Christian home. What’s hard to understand about that? Children need both examples of submission in order to grow up as healthy children who are respectful of God, and of love so they learn how to walk out their faith in love.

Here is what Paul, under the inspiration of The Holy Spirit said:

Eph 5:22-33 NIV

• Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.
• Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
• Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.
• In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church—for we are members of his body. "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh."
• This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

What’s the hardest for women, ever since the Garden of Eden?

Submission! Trust!

What is hardest for men who need respect first and foremost?

Loving unselfishly! Being a Servant!

I am sick to death of professing Christians twisting these scriptures in Ephesians to suit their own dysfunction. Men who need to dominate use this passage to prove it’s pleasing to God for the woman to be hammered by it. Women who do not understand what “headship” means surrender their hopes, talents, and even their identities in an effort to be obedient to what they think Scripture is teaching.These women are more likely to be manipulative, saying, "If you really loved me, you would..."

Paul likened loving your wife to as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her to make her holy. Headship to Christ didn’t mean domination. It meant self-sacrifice! Headship didn’t mean “I’m your boss.” It meant, “How can I meet your needs?” Christ was a Servant!

Any husband who loves his wife in that way will put her needs beyond his own. He will do everything possible to help her reach her full potential as a person and as a Christian. He will love sacrificially, as Christ loved.

Women are by nature, responders. So when a husband loves her in this way, she will submit with joy. She will do it freely because she knows she can trust the love of this man! She feels secure and cherished by this self-sacrificing man!

Being the head of the home means accepting your responsibility – notice I did not say privilege – to take the lead in love.

Theodore M. Hesburgh is the man credited with saying, “The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.” But he has been quoted by many since he said it. And it’s so true! For little kids to see Mama and Daddy being affectionate with each other, playing around, having fun in front of the kids… well, it shows the kids what marriage should be like, and can be. It’s a valuable, lasting gift for the kids, no matter how old they are!

©2007 April Lorier

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Denzel Washington and My Self-Esteem Bucket

I watched an interview with two-time Academy Award winner Denzel Washington today. His new movie (he directed and acted) , coming to theaters on Christmas Day, is called The Great Debaters. The story follows a black southern debate team during the Great Depression as they pursue the challenges of debating the white teams. Denzel knows exactly who he is!

He told how he starts and ends his day with prayer, asking for guidance, protection, and even more "thank You's". He talked about how everyone has his little bucket of self-esteem and all day long people are tipping his bucket, trying to empty it out. He said he has to refill that bucket, sometimes several times a day, and the only way to refill it is to maintain his inner peace. How does he refill it? Denzel runs to the Lord for His refills. His mother always told him, "Man gives the AWARD, God gives the REWARD."

He struck me as a very humble man in spite of his huge accomplishments and awards. His comments also brought up a question inside of me. Do I know who I am? If I do, how do I know? And where do I run to fill up my own bucket of self-esteem? Here's my refill station and what I know about myself. 

I am God's child (John 1:12)

I am Christ's friend (John 15:15 )

I am united with the Lord (1 Cor. 6:17 )

I am bought with a price (1 Cor. 6:19-20)

I am a saint [set apart for God]. (Eph. 1:1)

I am a personal witness of Christ. (Acts 1:8)

I am the salt & light of the earth (Matt.5:13-14)

I am a member of the body of Christ (1 Cor 12:27)

I am free forever from condemnation ( Rom. 8: 1-2)

I am a citizen of Heaven. I am significant (Phil.3:20)

I am free from any charge against me (Rom. 8:31 -34)

I am a minister of reconciliation for God (2 Cor.5:17-21)

I have access to God through the Holy Spirit (Eph. 2:18)

I am seated with Christ in the heavenly realms (Eph. 2:6)

I cannot be separated from the love of God (Rom.8:35-39)

I am established, anointed, sealed by God (2 Cor.1:21-22)

I am assured all things work together for good (Rom. 8: 28)

I have been chosen and appointed to bear fruit (John 15:16 )

I may approach God with freedom and confidence (Eph. 3: 12 )

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me (Phil. 4:13) 

I am the branch of the true vine, a channel of His life (John 15: 1-5) 

I am God's temple (1 Cor. 3: 16 ).  

I am complete in Christ (Col. 2: 10) 

I am hidden with Christ in God (Col. 3:3). 

I have been justified (Romans 5:1) 

I am God's co-worker (1 Cor.. 3:9; 2 Cor 6:1). 

I am God's workmanship (Eph.2:10 ) 

I am confident that the good works God has begun in me will be perfected. (Phil 1: 5) 

I have been redeemed and forgiven (Col.1:14).

I have been adopted as God's child (Eph 1:5) 

I belong to God!!! I am God's Girl and He cherishes me! Now that builds my esteem! Yep, my bucket is full today!

(c)2007 April Lorier

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A Blessing by Email Today!

Some time ago, I wrote a post called Clapping Though My Tears for Barbara Johnson. Barbara had requested that we clap, not cry, when she "moved on" to her place of Glory. The post was written out of love for a lady who had helped so many hurting people with her wisdom wit and humor. I mentioned she had formed Spatula Ministries to continue the help long after she left this earth. Today, I received an email from her son, David. I'm reprinting it here, with his permission, and hope it blesses you as it blessed me.

Dear April,
I want to thank you for your recent article concerning my mother,Barbara Johnson. I've asked our webmaster to link it to our website,if that is OK with you! And thank you for your kind words concerning my mother's passing. There have been many people that have told me of my mother's encouragement and how she had saved so many lives.

I know my mother would want you have the DVD of the Tribute we held for
her at the Crystal Cathedral this last September.  So I'm sending you
an order form and we'll sent it FREE.  Just write on the form where
you want it mailed along with your email address and pen the words
"GRATIS PER DAVID" and send it back to the foundation and we'll get
it out to you right away.  Or you can just email me back your address
and I'll personally mail it to you myself.

I'm sure you'll find the service very inspirational and encouraging.  We have clips of my mother speaking and, well it's good for sharing in groups, but nice
to have as a remembrance of her.  There is a preview of the Tribute
on the website which is about 5 minutes long and can be downloaded
for free also. I hope you'll register for the Spatula Community and
"LoveLine" Newsletter on her website.

We are making some very nice changes beginning January.  Including a Joy Room / Bookstore so we can direct people on where to purchase her books, calendars, cards, etc.  The Encouragement Project will be coming and we welcome others
tell their story how my mother has changed their lives and also
become an encouragement to others.

And finally, I've just set up the Spatula Ministries Yahoo Discussion
Group (http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Spatula_Ministries) to help
direct parents who have just discovered their child's sexual
preference and need a "safe place" to get immediate help. (All these
changes, plus some that I haven't mentioned, are scheduled for
January/February)

Again, thank you April for your article. I'm sure you'll enjoy the
DVD and if you're up to it, some of your comments.  (There was clapping and I believe Rich Cook lead it before the choir sang one of her favorite songs.)  I hope to be hearing from you soon.

Joyfully,

David Johnson, Executive Director
The Barbara Johnson Foundation, Inc.
www.BarbaraSpatulaJohnson.com

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Oprah: Can We Trust Her Judgment?

Is there a human in our country that does not know Oprah is out stumping for Obama? Maybe, but very few. I have been wondering: Just how much can we trust her judgment? Let’s recap.

First, there was her infamous statement in 1996, while in Cattle Country, Texas: "It has just stopped me cold from eating another burger!" Naturally, the cattlemen sued her and Howard Lyman ("Mad Cow Disease" Guest). Ok, so that’s how she met Dr. Phil McGraw, so that mistake turned out well after her long trial with the cattlemen of Texas.

Next, there was the major guffaw of James Frey and his supposedly true story,
A Million Little Pieces. In an October 26 show entitled "The Man Who Kept Oprah Awake At Night," Winfrey hailed Frey's graphic and coarse book as "like nothing you've ever read before. Everybody at Harpo is reading it." She chose it as her book club featured book.

After a six-week investigation by The Smoking Gun, it turned out James had pulled the wool over her eyes. Then after she highlighted him on her Oprah Show, 3.4 million book buyers realized they, too, had been duped by Oprah herself. Upon finding out she had been duped, her response was, “I thought The Publishing Company (Anchor Books) had vetted the book. It’s their responsibility to vet the book!” (What’s wrong with your staff checking him out, Oprah?)

To save face, Oprah invited James Frey back on her show – I’ll never understand why he showed up, and proceeded to excoriate him in front of millions. She left him in a "million little pieces" for the whole world to witness. But her reputation now had a stain on it.

Then there was her decision to open The Oprah Winfrey Leadership Academy For Girls in South Africa, in part to fulfill her promise to Nelson Mandela. Later, when asked why she didn't spend her money on girls in this country where she had made her billion$, her response was, "I couldn't find 152 motivated girls in the United States." Unbelievable! Out of 301,139,950 people in the U.S., she couldn't find 152 motivated girls? Americans had some heartburn over her decision to snub American girls and go elsewhere to do her "benevolent" works.

Later, it was revealed that these girls, completely cut off from all communication with their own parents, were being abused. Excuse me? Oprah, herself a victim of sexual abuse as a teen, should have known (above all people ) that isolation is the predator's favorite tool! To whom were these girls supposed to report abuse? Not their Mamas! Not the women who had given them life and sustained life for them until Miss Winfrey came along. One more stain on the reputation and judgment of Oprah Winfrey.

Then there was her show featuring the now-infamous Dr. Jan Adams, strip mall plastic surgeon. It took reporters at TMZ only a few hours of investigation to discover that Dr. Jan Adams — who performed several cosmetic procedures on Kanye West’s mother the day before she died — was not board-certified in plastic surgery. Did Oprah Winfrey or her producers do the same background check before putting him on Winfrey’s TV talk show? Oprah said there was no reason to check his background! Whoa! Wonder what Kanye West would say about that statement? How about all the disfigured women, former patients of Dr. Jan Adams, who recently appeared on Dr. Phil's Show to show us their bodies? Whoops, another stain on the reputation and judgment of Oprah Winfrey.

Ten years ago, I heard Oprah tell how she had wanted to be a preacher since she was a young girl. Even on the playground, she would get several children in a group and preach to them! Well, congratulations, Miss Winfrey! Your dream finally came true! I heard you on the Obama Podium, yelling in your sing-song, "Color Purple" voice, preaching your messianic message about Obama for the entire world to hear! I wanted to slap you back into reality! What did you hope to achieve with that voice affectation? It certainly is not the voice we have all heard for so many years. And did you really mean to leave the impression that Obama was The Second Coming of Jesus Christ?

I am not qualified to judge what is in the heart of Oprah Winfrey. That's God's responsibility. But I can't help but judge the trustworthiness of her recommendations! Did she know about Obama's past cocaine use? Perhaps it doesn't matter to her, in light of her own past drug abuse (by her own admission on one of her shows)? And does she really think his inexperience as an inexperienced "outsider" qualifies him to run the government of the United States? Are we going to see, down the road, it was yet another "uh-oh" in the judgment of Miss Winfrey?

I liked Oprah a whole lot more in the '80s and '90s when she was a "real person" - you know, not as rich, not as powerful, and not as enlightened as she is now. I liked her when she was an overweight, afro-decked reporter from Chicago. Back in the '90s, before she was "the most powerful woman in the world" she didn't seem so full of herself. In 1986, we weren't expected to trust her judgment. After all, she was just like us: human, subject to frailties, and likeable. It was back in the days when the world didn't revolve around her every decision, word, and movement. Ah, those were the good old days.

(c) 2007 April Lorier | Related Posts

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Song of Praise To My Husbandman

For years as a Prodigal Daughter, I searched for meaning in a variety of philosophies from Transcendental Meditation to Eastern Religions of all kinds. Not finding anything that filled my soul as Jesus had once done, I came back to The Savior of the World, Jesus Christ.

One day I was reading in the bible where God was the "husbandman". I looked up the word and it meant, in essence, the caretaker of plants. Since I was an experienced horticulturist, it sent me off on a road that lead to the knowledge that I was a seedling planted long ago -- when I was a young child and asked Jesus to come live in my heart -- and God had been a very patient husbandman with me as I searched in all the wrong places.. The result was this poem: "Seedling Song of Praise to My Husbandman". I share it with you in the hopes it will stir whatever The Holy Spirit deems important inside your spirit.

Seedling Song of Praise to My Husbandman
by April Lorier

What knows more freedom than the young seed piercing

rocky soil driven in its struggle to rise above?

Does The Husbandman lie the sapling down, cover

its new growth with soil, re-root it to failures?

Nay! The Husbandman waters His parched starts,

nurtures His feeble fumbling seedlings,

smiles on inched-pinched growth, gnarled and precious.

Unhindered, His tender seedlings bend toward The Light.

This green stretching soul foolishly owning

each neophyte sprout, slid slowly on will's incline

into wily windy Eastern Damage, only to return

with pulpy, pithy veins and sun-starved stems.

Did this seedling cut off light, air, nourishment--

Very Life, and expect to self-sustain?

Natures edict: Strong winds shall blow, I shall bend; But

green, supple, Life-full, wiser, unbreakable.

Rooted in costly Golgotha soil, I rise eternal,

for Absolutely Worthy is my Husbandman.

(c) 1997 - 2007 April Lorier

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Oprah, Dr. Phil, Rachael Ray Give-Away "Blessing"?

This is the season for Harpo "Christmas Give Away" Shows. Today is was Dr. Phil and his family giving away oodles of gifts to an audience filled with disenfranchised California Fire families. I always watch these shows thinking the same thing:

Are these shows really blessing these poor people?

If I had lost my home to Katrina or California fires, or any other catastrophe, what would be my biggest need? Would it be a huge LCD HD TV, or the latest camcorder? If I don't have a house to live in, what am I going to do with this huge television?

I was on a television show once and was "blessed" with a wonderful Conn organ. It was three layers of push a button and get a trumpet section; push another button and get a harpsichord sound. Since I am a musician, it was a wonderful gift … until April 15^th! I knew nothing about "gift tax" so was totally unprepared for the additional money I was told I owed IRS. It didn't take any time at all for that organ to turn into my worst nightmare!

Harpo (Oprah spelled backwards) Productions gets big ratings boosts for every "give away" show they put on the air. Doesn't matter if it's The Oprah Show, Dr Phil Show, or The Rachael Ray Show. All of the manic screaming and distorted faces thrill their television audience, and these celebrities come off looking like Santa Claus himself. They are also a great time for participating companies to get FREE advertising and, hopefully, increased sales in the last month of the year.

I picture these people going back to where ever they're living temporarily, loaded down with thousands of dollars' worth of posh items they would have never bought before the catastrophe took their homes. A cell phone from ATT with two months' free service? What happens after the two months are up? Expensive bath products to use, even though they may not have a bathtub of their own?

Well, you say, they could give the gifts away as Christmas presents! OK, then who will be responsible for the gift tax? Remember, these audience members' names and social security numbers are on file for IRS to come after! They don't leave the studios without giving out that information!

When Oprah started her 19^th season, she wowed the world by giving away new "fully-loaded" Pontiac G-6 midsize 2005 sports sedan to each of the 276 members of the studio audience. What caught the eye of Michael Kirsch (Notre Dame) was this statement by a spokesperson for Pontiac (which donated the cars) in an AP story: "Pontiac will pay for the taxes."

What "taxes" was Pontiac talking about? If federal income taxes, how would Pontiac value the car? Presumably it would be valued at something less than the $28,400 MSRP, but how much less? How would Pontiac figure out the appropriate tax rate for each individual audience member? After much discussion it was ascertained that Pontiac would pay only the sales tax for each car, not the federal gift tax! Wow! What a big surprise each of those 276 families had on April 15^th! They owed $6,000 - $12,000 extra federal tax, depending on their individual tax brackets.

I'd like to see a Christmas Give Away Show where food, clothes, toys for the kids, and money for apartment rent and utilities given to these poor people! You know, like on Extreme Home Makeover where a mortgage company representative hands the new home owners a statement saying their home is paid for?

Naw, I guess that wouldn't work. Wouldn't be glitzy enough for all of us to watch. It wouldn't give all of these companies a chance to wow us with their chosen high-end Christmas gifts. It just wouldn't be "good TV".

©2007 April Lorier | Related Posts

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An Eleanor Ribgy Christmas

Anyone over the age of 35 remembers Paul McCartney’s lyrics in “Eleanor Rigby”. He asks who is she putting on the face cream for? And poor Father McKenzie who’s writing a sermon that no one will hear. Both very lonely people described by Paul, and he asks where all these lonely people come from and where they belong. I think about this song during this Christmas Season.

I think about the widow who devoted her life to her husband for fifty years and now he’s gone. She’s left with memories that just make her lonelier during this “festive” season. Who cares about her? Who makes time to make sure she is invited to Christmas Dinner, or who pays for her to have her hair done so she can feel pretty again?

Then my mind wanders to the 37 year-old single mother of three small boys. Her husband decided he didn’t want to be a father anymore and he just left. Who cares if she has enough food for breakfast, much less for a Christmas Dinner? Who cares if her children have a tree, much less any small gift under it?

And then there’s the 65 year old man whose wife has just died. How could she leave him just before Christmas? She was the one who always decorated the house, put on the Bing Crosby CDs, and filled the house with spicy fragrances from her ginger bread men. She’s the one who made sure he talked to his daughter and his grandchildren on the other side of the world. Why don’t they just shut down Christmas and all of its happy music? He sits in his chair and wishes it had been him who left. Life is just too hard now, and hearing all of this happy stuff just makes him feel worse.

And finally, there’s the woman who built her life around her husband for so long that she lost herself. Then he left so he could be “free” to have girlfriends and party on. She sits on the couch wondering who she used to be. She can’t remember anything she enjoys doing, so she shuts herself in. She tried going back to church, but everyone sat in pairs and no one seemed to notice her. Or, if someone did notice her it was with a look of Well, I wonder what you did to run your husband off? look.

How many of us are so absorbed in our own little world of “Merry Christmas!” that we never think about those who are struggling through this “happy” time of year?

I fantasize about living in a world where children are taught to adopt a senior citizen in a home for Christmas; where the focus is on giving time and attention to those whose loneliness is magnified during this season; where children save their nickels to buy some bath powder for their adopted senior citizen so she can feel special when she sits down to Christmas Dinner with them; where kids take time to play checkers with their adopted “grandpa”. Would it really be so hard to give 10% of our time and attention to someone who’s alone during this season when we celebrate the birth of Christ?

My parents took me to Old Folks’ Homes from the time I was six, and we took small gifts, talked to them like they mattered, and then all of us gathered to sing Christmas Carols while Mama played either the piano or the accordion. Sometimes I took my dog “Freckles” so they could pet her while she licked their hands. These were the forgotten people who were never touched unless it was a medical procedure! They cherished Freckles’ licks!

As an adult I continue to visit the forgotten and entertain them with songs that make them feel vibrant and alive! It’s always the same pattern: a few Christmas Carols, then it is the old hymns they want to hear. Occasionally, there are residents who play the violin or some other instrument, and we have a quasi-orchestra going! And then we get real!

“Honey, do you know any of the World War II songs?” Do I know them! I did musical gigs for years that were strictly songs from the forties! These were supper clubs that had walls decorated with Humphrey Bogart, John Wayne, and the entire array of beautiful movie stars from that era. Thankfully, I had access to my mom’s sheet music, and I learned them all! I even learned songs from the ‘30s, so I was armed and ready for all requests!

The look of rapture on these old folks’ faces was all I needed to motivate me to give everything I had during these performances! They were listening in their wheel chairs, but they were decades back in memory. I always wondered what wonderful memories they were having as they sang along.

Touching people at Christmas is what Christ would have done. And because Christmas is, to me, a time when I should exhibit His love the most, it’s only natural that I would want to bring joy and affection to those who have been forgotten. I know how it feels to be forgotten, and I want to do all I can to erase that feeling from others, even if it’s only during the happiest time of the year. I get a bigger blessing than they do!

©2007 April Lorier | Related Posts

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How Old Is Jesus, Gramma?

“Whatchya doin’ Gramma?” Jacob’s chubby little face with those inquisitive brown eyes was too cute to not kiss. He wriggled in embarrassment as I planted a Gramma kiss on his cheek. “Ooo, yuck! I not a baby. I a big boy, Gramma!”

“Oh, Gramma knows what a big boy you are, Jacob. You talk like you’re six years old! But you’re still four, right?” He nodded in ascension. “I’m wrapping a Birthday Gift. Wanna help me? You can give me the tape there.”

“You going to a birthday party?” His eyes twinkled at the thought of a party.

“Yep, Gramma and Jacob and Mommy and Daddy and your uncles are coming here for a big old birthday party next week! We’re gonna have tacos and fried beans and Spanish rice with our birthday cake and ice cream! Sound good?”

“Uh huh! Who the birthday boy? Jacob?” He was looking more and more hopeful by the minute now.

“No, honey, your birthday is in April, remember? You had that big birthday party and all your friends came. Remember? You were in the park and you got lots of Spider Man toys?”

“Uh huh. Who this present for?”

“It’s for Jesus! You know about Jesus, right?”

“Yep, I go to bed, Mama wake me up in da mornin' and I give God the glory glory!” His chest puffed out in pride and his hands were up in the air. He was pumped with excitement.

“Well, Christmas is when we give a Birthday Party for Jesus!”

“Huh?” His forehead was all crinkled now and his eye movements told me his brain was working over time. “Jesus come, too?”

“Oh, yes, Jacob! Jesus always comes to His Birthday Party! Do you want to give Jesus a present, too?” I kept wrapping while he mulled that one over. “We’ll wrap it up real pretty and then Daddy will open it up when we have our Christmas Party Dinner!”

“What you give Jesus?” He still seemed puzzled as he tried to reconcile Jesus being in a cattle feeding trough with Jesus as an adult on The Cross.

“Well, this year, Gramma is giving Jesus some songs for old people who don’t have any one to love them.”

“You wrapping a song in there?” Now he was really puzzled! “It a CD?”

“No, no CDs, just Gramma is playing the piano and singing for some older Grammas and Grampas at the place where they live. See, Jacob, some people are lonely and they think no one cares if they are old and lonely. You remember how lonely you were when your Daddy was in the hospital? Remember how you cried and said you wished your Daddy would come home?”

“Uh huh. He gone a long time, and I talk to him on the phone. You gonna take Cookie with you when you go to the old people?”

“Wow, Jacob! That’s a very good idea! How did you think of that?”

“Old people like dogs. I know that! I’m almost five, Gramma!”

“Yes, you’re getting to be a real big boy! You could come with me to see the Grammas and Grampas if you want. They love little boys like you!”

“I no little boy. I a BIG boy!” He asserted himself with his words, his tone, and his beating on his chest. “How do you put the old people in this box?”

“Oh no, honey. Gramma writes a promise on some paper. It says, ‘Because You love me, Jesus, I promise to visit the old people and sing all the songs they like to hear.' You know how you like Veggie Tales songs? Well these grammas and grampas like songs they heard when they were young, like your Mama.”

“What the name of songs?” He was playing with the ribbon now.

“Well, there’s ‘Don’t Sit Under The Apple Tree With Anyone But Me’, and ‘Jada, Jada, Jada Jada Jing Jing Jing!’”

“Oh, Gramma, you so silly!” Jacob was bent over laughing now. “That silly song! Jada Jing Jing Jing, A ha ha!”

“Yeah, but it makes them happy, Jacob! Gramma wants to make them happy! So what do you want to give Jesus for His Birthday? Let’s think of something good!”

“I could give Light'ning McQueen car. I got two.” He looked at me for approval.

“Well, Jesus might already have one of those, so let’s think of something only Jacob could give to Jesus… let’s see… I think I’ve got it! You could promise Jesus that you would tell Him you love Him every night when you’re saying your prayers. That would be a good gift!”

“He already know dat. I give him a song, too, Gramma. I sing ‘Jesus loves me this I know cuz the bible tell me so!’ You think Jesus like a song for His Birthday?”

“Oh, yes! Jesus loves music! And you know what He loves even more than music, Jacob?”

“Me?” He was tentative, but suspected he had given the right answer.

“Yes, honey. Jesus loves Jacob! You are so smart! Now you want to get that box and we’ll write down your promise? Then we’ll put it in this box and wrap it up real pretty with lots of bows and bells.”

“Gramma?” His pensive mood was reflected on his furrowed brow. “How many candles on Jesus cake? How old is Jesus?”

“Oh, honey, you sure do ask Gramma some hard questions. Why don’t we listen to more of your Veggie Tales music while we wrap these gifts?”

(c)2007 April Lorier

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The Teacher Who Changed My Life

She was the turning point in my life. She told me what a great story-teller I was instead of what an exaggerator or liar I was. When she looked at me with those soft gray eyes I felt she was seeing inside me and loving me. When she smiled at me, I thought I was the most special person God ever created.

Even after decades, she is still one of my most memorable heroes. Not a day goes by that I don't remember something she taught me, or the look of delight on her face as she talked to me. I remember how she motivated me to rise beyond my environment, to see myself -- for the very first time -- as a uniquely special human being with endless possibilities within my reach.

I remember that I would have done anything to please her because, at a time when I didn't care about myself, there was no doubt in my mind that this woman truly cared about me. She was never too busy (or too self-absorbed) to linger after class and give students a boost of confidence, a warm smile, and even a gentle touch. For many of us, she was our only source of affirmation.

Margaret Oliphant was a teacher!

For as long as I can remember, teachers have been my heroes. I come from a long line of teachers, and while most of them have considered teaching to be a profession, some have viewed it as a "calling."

During The Great Depression, my grandmother left her home at 6:00 a.m. to arrive at the schoolhouse by 6:30. There, she filled the coal heater and heated water for her students. Each student got a good hot breakfast before classes commenced because Grandmother knew children couldn't learn with empty stomachs.

Though times have changed since then, the commitment of a few teachers has not. Meet Guy Dowd, "Teacher of the Year 1987." Guy eats lunch with the students, not in the teachers' lounge, because he wants to know his students. Guy loves being a teacher, loves his students, and sees teaching as a giving of himself, not as a paycheck. He has been known to accompany fatherless football players to the big games, acting as surrogate father during the half-time ceremonies. He asks all his students to sign his yearbook and write a personal note by their names so he won't forget one student! Guy says he "teaches people, not curriculum."

I hear so much these days about the apathy of students. My own mother and sister have complained about their "unmotivated" students. I have a relative, a state-qualified, highly-trained professional, who knows the rudiments of teaching, but is too self-centered to know the rudiments of loving her students. All students, regardless of their ages, need unhurried attention and a knowledge that the teacher really does want to be there. If the teacher would rather be doing something other than teaching, the students will not be motivated to learn.

Who wants to learn anything from someone who doesn't want to be there?

Who learns anything but discontentment from an unhappy teacher?

I have sat in classes and watched teachers lose control, some even terrorizing students as they throw books, music stands, and reading glasses. I've often wondered why our educational system hires so-called "professionals" who must resort to threats and profanity in order to keep students' attention. It is no mystery to me why students no longer have respect for teachers. If students were to act the way some teachers act, they would be expelled from school.

I long for the Margarets of this world who draw pictures in minds: wonderful images that tickle the curiosity, pique imaginations, and cause dreams to implode! I long for the respect teachers earned by their own behavior.

I remember how Margaret's students lusted for knowledge because she motivated us! I remember there were no behavioral problems in her class because Margaret set the tone of the class with her own respectful behavior. We treated her as she treated us: with dignity, respect, and affection. She was able to build character in her students because she had character, herself. (I can't even imagine Margaret screaming, cursing, or complaining about the administration to us! That would be undignified!)

We enjoyed our time with her because she enjoyed being with us. We knew why we were there, and we knew why Margaret was there. It wasn't for a paycheck, benefits, or tenure. She was there for us - just for us.We were her children. We all knew she wanted to be there.

Most of all, I knew Margaret as the teacher who loved me and told me what a wonderful writer I would be someday because of my “very creative” mind. She was the reason I dared to start writing poetry. She was the reason I had confidence. She was the reason I was able to live through the negativity at home. She was the reason I went to school every day. She thought I was special, so I thought I was special.

Oh, how I miss the Margarets of this world.

(c) 1993-2007 April Lorier

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Love is a Verb and Actions Speak Louder Than Words

I have always believed love was a verb - an active word - a word that required action, not just quotes. What good does it do to say, "I love you" if there are no actions involved? Do you mean, "I love you but I don't have time for you"? Has the phrase become meaningless like,"Let's do lunch sometime"?

I have tried to teach all of my children that actions speak louder than words. So a recent conversation with one of my grown children was extremely upsetting to me. This child said, "Just because I don't call you doesn't mean I don't love you." Really? Given what this child knows about me and my recent circumstances, it seems odd not to get a quick phone call to say, "How are you, Mom?" I know it's not due to a generation gap because I have other children who understand actions speak louder than empty words.

For decades I have had the following poem hanging on my wall. The author is unknown, but during the '80s and '90s when I had it posted on my MusicAndWords website, I must have had thirty emails from people claiming to be the author of it. I purchased it during the '70s on a beautiful plaque, and the plaque said the author was unknown. I've searched for years to find if anyone has copyrighted it, which doesn't necessarily mean the copyright holder is the author (example: Happy Birthday Song was copyrighted by a woman who did not write the song). I've found no copyright, so author is still unknown.

I offer it with the invitation to copy it, use it, and live by it. All of us will die someday, and those left behind will treasure the poem.

If You're Ever Going to Love Me

If you're ever going to love me
love me now, while I can know
All the sweet and tender feeling
which from real affection flow.
Love me now, while I am living;
do not wait till I am gone
And then chisel it in marble--
warm love words on ice-cold stone.

If you've dear, sweet thought of me,
why not whisper them to me?
Don't you know 'twould make me happy
and as glad as glad could be?
If you wait till I am sleeping,
ne'er to waken here again,
There'll be walls of earth between us
and I couldn't hear you then.

If you knew someone was thirsting
for a drop of water sweet
Would you be slow to bring it?
Would you step with laggard feet?
There are tender hearts all round us
who are thirsting for our love;
Why withhold from them what nature
makes them crave all else above?

I won't need your kind caresses
when the grass grows o'er my face;
I won't crave your love or kisses
in my last low resting place.
So, then, if you love me any,
if it's but a little bit,
Let me know it now while living;
I can own and treasure it.

(Author Unknown, though many have claimed authorship)
Submitted by April Lorier

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A Christmas Letter From Jesus

Have you ever considered the possibility of receiving a Christmas Letter from Jesus? It's intriguing, isn't it? I received this in an email from a friend, and I do not know the original source. But I wanted to share it with my readers.

Dear Children,
It has come to my attention that many of you are upset that folks are taking My name out of the season. Maybe you've forgotten that I wasn't actually born during this time of the year and that it was some of your predecessors who decided to celebrate My birthday on what was actually a time of pagan festival. I do appreciate being remembered any time.

How I personally feel about this celebration can probably be most easily understood by those of you who have been blessed with children of your own. I don't care what you call the day.
If you want to celebrate My birth, just try loving one another.

Now, having said that let Me go on. If it bothers you that the town in which you live doesn't allow a scene depicting My birth, then just get rid of a couple of Santas and snowmen and put in a small Nativity scene on your own front lawn. If all My followers did that there wouldn't be any need for such a scene on the town square because there would be many of them all around town.

Stop worrying about the fact that people are calling the tree a holiday tree, instead of a Christmas tree. It was I who made all trees. You can remember Me anytime you see any tree. [John 1:3 All things were made by him; and without him was not any thing made that was made.]

Decorate a grape vine if you wish: I actually spoke of that once in a teaching, explaining who I am in relation to you and what each of our tasks were. If you have forgotten that one, look up John 15:1-8.

If you want to give Me a present in remembrance of My birth here is my wish list.

• Instead of writing protest letters objecting to the way My birthday is being celebrated, write letters of love and hope to soldiers away from home. They are terribly afraid and lonely this time of year. I know, they tell Me all the time.

• Visit someone in a nursing home. You don't have to know them personally. They just need to know that someone cares about them.

• Instead of writing George complaining about the wording on the cards his staff sent out this year, why don't you write and tell him that you'll be praying for him and his family this year. Then follow up. It will be nice hearing from you again.

• Instead of giving your children a lot of gifts you can't afford and they don't need, spend time with them. Tell them the story of My birth, and why I came to live with you down here. Hold them in your arms and remind them that I love them.

• Pick someone that has hurt you in the past and forgive him or her.

• Did you know that someone in your town will attempt to take their own life this season because they feel so alone and hopeless? Since you don't know who that person is, try giving everyone you meet a warm smile; it could make the difference.

• Instead of nit picking about what the retailer in your town calls the holiday, be patient with the people who work there. Give them a warm smile and a kind word. Even if they aren't allowed to wish you a "Merry Christmas" that doesn't keep you from wishing them one.
  

• If you really want to make a difference, support a missionary-- especially one who takes My love and Good News to those who have never heard My name.

• There are individuals and whole families in your town who not only will have no "Christmas" tree, but neither will they have any presents to give or receive. If you don't know them, buy some food and a few gifts and give them to the Salvation Army or some other charity which believes in Me and they will make the delivery for you.

• Finally, if you want to make a statement about your belief in and loyalty to Me, then behave like a Christian.Don't do things in secret that you wouldn't do in My presence. Let people know by your actions that you are one of mine.
  

Don't forget; I am God and can take care of Myself. Just love Me and do what I have told you to do. I'll take care of all the rest.

Check out the list above and get to work; time is short!
I'll help you, but the ball is now in your court. And do have a most blessed Christmas with all those whom you love and remember!

I LOVE YOU, JESUS

(Feel free to copy and send to your friends!)

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Prison Fellowship Ministries Being Sued?

I am appalled to hear that Prison Fellowship is now being sued. This ministry was founded by Chuck Colson, former Counsel for President Nixon, after Colson served seven months in prison for obstructing justice in the Watergate scandal. As a "new creature in Christ" Colson recognized the need for a Christian ministry inside prisons all across America, and he put feet to his dream, and the result is the most successful program on the planet! The recidivism rate (prisoners returning to prison after their release) is so much lower than any other program that there's not even a comparison!

So why are they being sued, you ask?

Americans United for Separation of Church and State, an organization that should be ashamed of itself, is suing them! In the U.S. District Court in Des Moines, Iowa the trial has begun. Americans United for Separation of Church and State is challenging the use of taxpayer funds to support Prison Fellowship Ministries' "InnerChange" Christian rehabilitation program in Iowa. Never mind Prison Fellowship Ministries has saved Iowa millions of dollars because prisoners who are released are becoming working, productive citizens paying taxes! And Iowa is not supporting these people anymore in Iowa prisons, saving Iowa taxpayers even more!

In most states Colson's work is funded by private contributions. In Iowa, the state legislature appropriated several hundred thousand dollars for the ministry to run a "value-based treatment ' at its Newton Correctional Facility. And it has been more successful than any Iowan ever dream! It seems to me that the success of Prison Fellowship Ministries - the bare statistics alone, would impress anyone! But no, this rogue organization with the "friendly" sounding name has an agenda!

What's their agenda, you ask?

Well, it's to protect all of us, of course! Don't you want to be protected from religion? By the way, I would like to point out that the words "sparation of church and state" is not mentioned in the Constitution of the United States. Read it for yourself! (If this link does not appear, use your search engine!)

The phrase "separation of church and state" is derived from a letter written by Thomas Jefferson in 1802 to a group identifying themselves as the Danbury Baptists. In that letter, referencing the First Amendment of the United States Constitution, Jefferson writes:

"Believing with you that religion is a matter which lies solely between Man & his God, that he owes account to none other for his faith or his worship, that the legitimate powers of government reach actions only, & not opinions, I contemplate with sovereign reverence that act of the whole American people which declared that their legislature should "make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof, thus building a wall of separation between Church & State."

In other words, no king, queen, president or government in the United States shall establish a religion and make all Americans convert to it.

There's an old saying, "No good deed goes unpunished." Fatalistic and negative, yes. But it seems to be true in this case. I've talked to countless people in the Prison Fellowship Ministry organization, and I can tell you that these people operate on a shoe string. They rely on benefactors who want to make a difference in this world. And now they must find funds to defend themselves against this disgusting organization whose goal it is to drive God out of every facet of our society. Do the members of Americans United for Separation of Church and State really think God is intimidated by their stupid organization?

I urge all Iowans who care about crime in their neighborhoods, who care about how their taxes are wasted on supercilious legal fees, call your representatives! Tell them you are not happy campers about this frivolous lawsuit!

I urge all other people who are outraged by this lawsuit and want to help: send your donations to Prison Fellowship Ministry! You can find them online at http://www.pfm.org/

You can call 1-800-251-7411 to be directed to your local office. Yes! They're operating in your neighborhood! They make a difference in the crime rate where you live! Help them!

(c) 2007 April Lorier | Related Posts

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No Redeeming Value, This Just Tickled Me!

(Best when read out loud!)

"Spelling Checker"

Eye Halve a Spelling Chequer!

Eye halve a spelling chequer
It came with my pea sea
It plainly marques four my revue
Miss steaks eye kin knot sea.

Eye strike a key and type a word
And weight four it two say
Weather eye am wrong oar write
It shows me strait a weigh.

As soon as a mist ache is maid
It nose bee fore two long
And eye can put the error rite
Its rarely ever wrong.

Eye have run this poem threw it
I am shore your pleased two no
Its letter perfect in it's weigh
My chequer tolled me sew.

-- Sauce unknown

Thank you, AHaJokes.com

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The Other Sin of Sodom - Wow!

All week long, I've been thinking about why You destroyed Sodom, Father. For years I sat in my father's congregation and heard it was because of what those people did.

But in Ezekiel 16:49-50, I see an additional reason! Speaking to Jerusalem, You said:

49 "'Now this was the sin of your sister Sodom : She and her daughters were arrogant, overfed and unconcerned; they did not help the poor and needy. [emphasis mine]
50 They were haughty and did detestable things before me. Therefore I did away with them as you have seen." NIV

So You destroyed Sodom for what they did not do, too -- for failing to be concerned about those who were worse off than they! And it's not that they didn't have anything to give. They had abundance and prosperity all around them! They were selfish, self-centered, and self-obsessed!

People in pain also become selfish, Father. You know my present circumstances, and you know my painful struggle to remember that You, alone , are in control of this situation. I have been subject to self-pity, abject loneliness, and fears of what the future holds for me. I think I'm as guilty as the Sodomites were.

I've become complacent in my own struggles, as if no one else in this world needs to be ministered to. It's so easy to forget others when one is in pain. You tell us, in Psalm 82:3-4,

"Defend the cause of the weak and fatherless; maintain the rights of the poor and oppressed. Rescue the weak and needy; deliver them from the hand of the wicked." NIV

And then I remember what You, Yourself, did to cure Your own loneliness. Your Word says "For God so loved that He gave..." You gave!

Father, in my present circumstances I have been so selfish! Friends say I am justified in my feelings; but You have shown me there is no justification for selfishness. You gave to the weak, the poor, and the oppressed. You gave the most precious thing You could give: You set aside Your Own Glory and came down to my level so I could reach out to you! And You've whispered in my spirit that I must do the same. I must give out of my own lack if I'm to be victorious in these circumstances.

This week I started making a list of all the places there are where people are worse off than I. I must take my eyes off of my own struggles, trust You with the outcome , and open my eyes to see others who feel unloved, unwanted, and hopeless.

I need to feel better about myself, and I know that will happen only as I please You. Show me how to express my love for You by concentrating on others , Father. Send me to the powerless people You love so possessively.

Give me a heart for other hurting people, and show me how to fill their needs so that You will become real to them. Live Your life through me, and give me courage to reach out in concrete ways to the needs of others.

There are so many who have never heard of You, or if they have, they don't understand how much You care for them. Take these circumstances and use them for Your glory, Father. I don't want to be like the residents of Sodom: I want to see You smile when we meet face-to-face.

Copyright 2001, 2007 April Lorier

I talk more about growth in my book. You can find it on the Home Page of this blog.

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Abandonment and The Dancing Bride

Abandonment and The Dancing Bride

(c) 1994-2007 April Lorier

I eat ripe melons and peaches by my sink, let the juice
tickle my arms and splat on my toes. Like a child,
I giggle as the juice dries to sticky.
I plant fewer beans and more flowers in my garden, now.
Cheerful bouquets grace my table to celebrate each day,
even when visitors are not expected.

I sneak out before the Mr. Sun rises to watch him rub his
sleepy eyes, the sky progressing from tangerine
to aquamarine. I welcome the fresh clean day, celebrating
with blueberry pancakes and steaming
chocolate-raspberry coffee.
My senses drink in the luxuriant balance
of my Creator's perfect handiwork.

I wiggle my bright red toenails and squish early-morning
dew-covered grass between them. Unconcerned
with neighbors' reactions, the birds and I bathe in the rain
without cover. I squeal in delight as my feathered
friends sing! I can sneeze, cry, laugh from my belly
--all without apologizing for myself.

I have a tambourine and I play it as I dance unashamedly
for my King. Throw open those windows!
Lift those shades! Watch me Son Dance!
Freely my body sways, my hands beating out joyful
rhythms of celebration for all He has given His girl
to... see... touch... smell... hear... taste!

I fold fewer clothes and paint more pictures--oh, not
proper pieces of fruit, but bold splashes of musical color!
Regal Purples! Bold Reds! Bright Fuschias!
Playful Yellows! Vibrant Greens!
Black and White be gone!
(Who ever saw black or white in one of God's lovely
Promise Rainbows?)

I hold much looser now because I know nothing on this
earth lasts forever. Fewer headaches and imagined
problems haunt me these days. I rest totally
in the Sovereign Plan of my Loving Kingly Father.
Each day is a new surprise as I receive His miraculous,
generous, already-allotted provision.

My King is the Keeper of my dreams. I expect far more
from Him and much less from others. He's taught me to
risk all on Him. I sing happier songs,
pray happier prayers, live more in His present moment.
We share intimacies as the ocean sprays my face,
as the sun bathes my tanned body.

Proudly I wear my Celebration Dress of Royal Purple
and Gold today. I am not the child of a pauper,
but of The King of all Kings! A look of approval
is on His face today, for He withholds no good
thing from me. His provision stands beside me today,
and in our union, we feel His smile.

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A Sheep Looks At Psalm 23

It’s no secret that sheep are not the most intelligent of the animal kingdom. They need a shepherd! In the darkest time of my life it was Psalm 23 that comforted me over and over. But I must admit I was baffled by “They rod and thy staff, they comfort me.” Growing up as I did, rods were not used to comfort me!

In the early ‘70s I bought a book written by Dr. W. Phillip Keller called A Shepherd Looks At Psalm 23 ©1969 The Zondervan Corporation. The late Dr W Phillip Keller was born in East Africa and was always an “outdoors” boy. He was trained in agronomy (management of farm land) and spent many years on ranches in British Columbia. He lived among the sheep and their shepherds and was a keen observer of sheep and their relationship to the shepherd. So he knew what he was talking about when he wrote his books on shepherding!

This was one of the most informative books I have ever read. David, the author of this poem was not only a shepherd, but also a son of a shepherd. He would later be known as the “Shepherd King” of Israel. David stated “The LORD is my Shepherd” and he was referring to Jehovah, the Lord God of Israel. How interesting that David wrote this poem as both a shepherd and as a sheep needing a shepherd! His statement, “The LORD is my Shepherd,” was later confirmed by Jesus Christ when He said, “I am the good shepherd: the shepherd lays down his life for his sheep.” (John 10:11)

Sheep Need a Shepherd!

Dr Keller pointed out that sheep cannot just take care of themselves. They need a shepherd who knows every inch of the land, every pit fall, and every hide out where predatory creatures hide as they wait for the unsuspecting sheep. He compares their intelligence and knowledge to the shepherd’s, then draws the parallel between our limited abilities and God’s Divine Intelligence. He refers to Isaiah 53:6 “All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned every one to his own way.” And then he says it is no mere whim that God refers to us as sheep. He calls our rush to self-determination “self-destructive” and “terrifying”. He attributes it to arrogance and pride on our part.

Now the shepherd does not beat his sheep with the rod or staff. When the shepherd is in the field with his sheep, it is customary to carry the bare minimum of equipment. The African herdsmen shepherd their stock with only a long slender stick and a rough knob-kerrie in their hands. Each shepherd boy takes special pride in the selection of a rod and staff exactly suited to his own size and strength. The sapling from which the rod is carved is shaped to exactly fit the owner’s hand. The boy then spends hours practicing with this club, learning how to throw it with amazing speed and accuracy because it will become his main weapon of defense for both himself and his sheep.

The Authority of the Shepherd

The rod was an extension of the owner’s own right arm. It stood as a symbol of his strength, his power, his authority in any serious situation. It was also the instrument he used to discipline and correct any wayward sheep that insisted on wandering away. The rod speaks of the spoken Word, the expressed intent, the extended activity of God’s mind and will in dealing with men. It is the authority of divinity: “Thus said the Lord.” How do we know this?

Remember Moses? When God called him, the desert shepherd, and sent him to deliver Israel out of Egypt from under Pharaoh’s bondage, it was his rod that was to demonstrate the power vested in him. It was always through Moses’ rod that miracles were made manifest! This was so the people of Israel would be reassured of God’s sovereignty, as well as to convince Pharaoh of Moses’ divine commission. The Word of God is a comfort to this sheep, I can tell you – especially the Psalms.

Protection of the Sheep

It has been often said that The Word of God (Bible) will keep us from sin. It is clearly demonstrated in the hurling of the African herders’ knob-kerries at predatory beasts, or at a sheep entering poisonous grass, or at a stubborn sheep straying from the protection of the herd. All those sheep had to hear was the whirling of the club and they would scurry back to the herd.

Counting the Sheep

Also, the rod was used in the counting of the sheep. In the Hebrew terminology of the Old Testament this was referred to as passing “under the rod” (Ezekiel 20:37). This meant not only being counted, but being carefully inspected by the sheepherder. Because of their long wool (or in humans, their persona) it was not always easy to detect disease, wounds, or defects in sheep. The skilled judge would take his rod and part the sheep’s wool to determine the condition of the skin, the cleanliness of the fleece, and the conformation of the body. As Dr Keller said, “In plain language, ‘One just does not pull the wool over his eyes.’”

Intimate Inspection of the Sheep

The shepherd carefully inspects each and every sheep. He outstretches his rod, the sheep stops, and then the inch-by-inch examination of each sheep is performed in intimate detail. This is what is being referred to in Psalm 139:23-24 when the psalmist wrote, “Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: and see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.”

This brings such joy to my soul! To think that my shepherd, Jesus Christ, cares so much for me that He’s intimately familiar with all the jots and tittles of my mind, emotions, will, body, dreams, thoughts… just every nuance of me, all known to Him! And there’s nothing I, or anyone else can do to “pull the wool over His eyes”!

As a Christian, I am so blessed to have the written rod – the written Word of God -- to keep me from danger! It doesn’t take a genius to figure out not only can the world be a dangerous place, but just living inside my own mind can be dangerous! The more I measure my thoughts and feelings against “the rod”, the less likely I will wander off into self-destructive behaviors.

So now that I have an understanding of what “the rod and staff” are really for, I love reading God’s Written Word! It is a “lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path.”

© 2007 April Lorier (passages from A Shepherd Looks At Psalm 23 used with permission)
We welcome your comments! Share your thoughts with our readers!

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Child Abuse: Who Pays For It?

For years I stood before large audiences and saw looks of disgust and repulsion as I tried to "sell" the idea that we could best help the children by helping the parents! Teach them how to parent constructively. Not only did it save my state millions in foster care -- children didn't have to go into the system, thereby saving the taxpayers a bundle -- but it started a new generation of people who had healthy coping mechanisms to pay on to their children.

Official government statistics usually lag behind about two years. I can tell you from my own experience as Executive Director of C.O.P.E, Inc., the official government statistics do NOT accurately reflect what's really going on behind closed doors. And from my own experience as an abused child, I know why so much abuse is NOT reported. Having listed my caveats, here are the statistics from 2005:

According to Child Maltreatment 2005, the most recent report of data from the National Child Abuse and Neglect Data System (NCANDS), approximately 899,000 children were found to be victims of child abuse or neglect in calendar year 2005.

Of this number:

• 62.8 percent suffered neglect
• 16.6 percent were physically abused
• 9.3 percent were sexually abused
• 7.1 percent were emotionally or psychologically maltreated
• 2 percent were medically neglected.
  

In addition, 14.3 percent of victims experienced "other" types of maltreatment such as "abandonment," "threats of harm to the child," and "congenital drug addiction."

The full text of Child Maltreatment 2005 is available on the Children’s Bureau Website

The point of quoting stats is to demonstrate what a violent society we're rapidly becoming. But why all the violence? Is it TV, internet, or violent music? Is it unwanted pregnancies? Misbehaving children? Partially. But there's a deeper, more fundamental reason why parents lash out at their children. YOU CAN'T GIVE WHAT YOU NEVER HAD.

The vast majority of physically abusive parents never set out to be abusive! In fact, most of them were abused as children, and they swore THEY would NEVER harm their own children! But without healthy models as parents, they never learned how to have other outlets for frustration. Once a child starts defying this type of parent, the inevitable happens.

Here it is more than 30 years after I founded C.O.P.E., Inc., and still it seems I'm speaking to either the deaf or the self-righteous. When will people understand we must start as close to the root of the tree as possible if we ever hope to save the children?

Why Should You Care?

Well, if you don't care about defenseless children, maybe you should think about your tax bill every April 15th! Child abuse costs taxpayers billions of dollars! Stop complaining about how much you have to pay, and do something constructive! Find out what resources are in your neighborhood, and donate, volunteer, get involved!

(c) 2007 April Lorier | Related Posts

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How Can I Tell If A Child Is Being Abused?

How do I know if a child is being abused or neglected? And what is abuse? What are the signs?

The following are a few of the physical and behavioral signs of child abuse and neglect. Please note that the listed signs of child abuse in each category may pertain to more than one type of abuse or neglect. For example, “lack of concentration” could be a sign of sexual abuse, as well as emotional abuse.

Before I start, I want to say these signs are just a short list, and are by no means complete. Please note: these are signs in young children, not in adults who have a history of child abuse. Once victims grow up without any intervention or counseling, their symptoms are totally different. (More about this at another time.)

Physical Signs of Child Abuse

1. Unexplained burns, cuts, bruises, or welts in the shape of an object

2. Bite marks

3. Anti-social behavior

4. Problems in school

5. Fear of adults

Emotional Signs of Child Abuse

1. Apathy

2. Depression

3. Hostility or stress

4. Lack of concentration

5. Eating disorders

Sexual Signs of Child Abuse

1. Inappropriate interest or knowledge of sexual acts

2. Nightmares and bed wetting

3. Drastic changes in appetite

4. Over compliance or excessive aggression

5. Fear of a particular person or family member

Signs of Neglect

1. Unsuitable clothing for weather

2. Dirty or unbathed

3. Extreme hunger

4. Apparent lack of supervision

From my experience with abused kids, they will usually go one of two ways:

1. Be a loner. Always need a "secret hiding place"

2. Be a bully, either aggressively or passive-aggressively

What is abuse? This is my definition, after more than 30 years' experience:

Any behavior that causes a child to feel shame and a

total loss of power.

Using that definition, tickling a child until he wets his pants, even though he's screaming for you to stop could be classified as "abuse" -- especially if a group is gathered and the tickling is forced. And if that child is sensitive by nature, it will definitely leave psychological scars.

The law demands we report suspected child abuse/neglect. Even though the law started out with good intentions, it has definitely been abused. Vindictive adults -- and children, too! -- have used it to "get even". Even so, it is always better to err on the side of child safety and comply with the law. Who knows? You may save a child AND a family!

(c) 2007 April Lorier

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Music: Depression Or Therapy?

Music was one of the few pathways to self-esteem I had as a child. There was not much positive reinforcement in my home and luckily I inherited some musical talent. I did my parents proud when I performed and won state-wide contests.

But the value of music is better understood by me now than it was then. Music is brain exercise! Everyone has heard of the "Mozart Effect" when it comes to music and accelerated learning. And all one has to do is Google "Music Therapy" to see the efficacy of music on all matter of psychological disorders. But I want to address the value of music as a vehicle.

I recently did a photo composite of a piano keyboard. Every key is a picture -- a statement about what brings me great satisfaction on a personal level. And music takes me to all those precious memories, as well as inspire me to create even more beautiful experiences. Because music also bypasses the brain and transports the listener to a psychological destination, it has the power to be either constructive or destructive. Perhaps it's why we're told to praise the LORD with harp and lyre in Psalms.

After my divorce from a very long marriage, I found I could no longer listen to specific groups I had always loved. It plunged me into despair immediately. After my mother died, it made me happy to hear the songs she used to play when she was happy. When I am wound too tight, I pull out my classical music and I immediately feel centered, integrated, and organized. If I'm feeling tired or sluggish, I know to pull out peppy music of any genre: rock, country, ragtime, rhythm & blues, or Christian praise. All of them immediately energize me! I'm easily captured by music, just like most other human beings. I can go from sane adult in the car to teenage rebel behind the wheel, depending on the music!

With my background of childhood abuse and chaos, I must be very careful about which music I allow to capture me. That's what music does: it captures! Think about it... you turn the tv to a station where a movie is coming on. Before you even know the name of the movie, you already know the type of movie it is. Just listen to the music! ("Jaws" is a prime example.)

As I've walked along my road to health, I've learned to believe what the Bible teaches: I'm to guard my heart -- that's my mind + will + emotions. Otherwise, I lose precious ground in my race for wholeness. What person wants to lose ground when running a race?

And just so you know, as I write this I listen to nothing except the clicking of the keyboard keys. That's because music captures!

Copyright 1999, 2007 April Lorier

Author of God's Battered Child: Journey From Abuse to Leader, April Lorier offers her Christian view on domestic abuse, issues of society and of women, politics, divorce recovery, books, and modern-day "Christianity." The daughter of a pastor, her perspective is sometimes humorous, sometimes thought-provoking, but always a helpful faith-based resource for seekers of emotional and spiritual growth.

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Henry Hyde's Legacy: Defender of PreBorn

He’s gone, and with his passing a huge void exists in The House of Representatives. He was dignified, a class act, and was known as the defender of the weakest in our society: the preborn. A spokesperson for Washington's Rush University Medical Center said Henry Hyde died Thursday at 3 a.m. CST at that hospital. There was no immediate word on the cause of his death. However, his family told The Chicago Sun-Times that he had suffered complications from open-heart surgery.

As a young man, former Illinois Representative Henry Hyde was a football player. His remarkable career in public office included 32 years as a representative for the suburban Chicago 6th District. He has been described by some political insiders as one of last few remaining "statesmen" in Washington and a never-tiring fighter for life.

Early in his political career, which spanned four decades, Hyde courageously introduced an amendment to prevent federal funding of abortion. Congress adopted the measure, which became known as the Hyde Amendment and continues to protect preborn babies.

He later led the battle to pass the ban on partial-birth abortion. In addition, Hyde authored the Mexico City policy, which prohibits federal money from being used to support abortions abroad.

The Illinois Republican was a Roman Catholic who during his 30 years in Congress blocked federal funding for abortion, which he called an "evil" taking of innocent life. Henry Hyde was a passionate man, but his behavior was never unseemly. He was a man who lived out his belief of what The Bible directs us to do: Defend the poor and fatherless: do justice to the afflicted and needy. Deliver the poor and needy: rid them out of the hand of the wicked. (Psalm 82:3-4)

I heard his passionate pleading for the unborn as he said there were no weaker, needier people in our society than the pre-born humans. He said he had been (at that time) a Representative for more than 25 years, and he was willing to give up his seat, his pension, and his reputation to protect these precious human beings.

Many of his colleagues say his most remarkable achievement was the Hyde Amendment. The measure became the law of the land in 1976 and it bans public funding of abortions through Medicaid. The National Right to Life Committee once conservatively estimated that the Hyde Amendment has prevented at least one million abortions.

Hyde retired from Congress at the end of the last session. Before he officially left government service, President Bush bestowed upon him the Presidential Medal of Freedom. He was too ill to attend the ceremony. His son, however, accepted the award on his behalf. The White House praised the Illinois Republican as a leading foe of abortion, as a "powerful defender of life" and an advocate for a strong national defense.

Die-hard Democrats will remember him as Henry Hyde, the Republican who steered the impeachment proceedings against President Clinton. During that time it was revealed that Henry, himself, had been involved in an adulterous affair 30 years prior. He didn’t deny or make excuses for it. His response was in keeping with his usual class and decorum: We come to this difficult task as flawed human beings, under judgment.

Henry’s death has some interesting thoughts for me. First of all, he died on the 60^th anniversary of Israel’s Statehood. I am a Christian, and I do not believe in coincidences. But I’m unsure what to make of the timing of Henry’s death.

Secondly, I think how proud Henry’s family must be of his legacy. I wonder what legacy I will leave behind for my children. Will it be said of me, as it has been said of Henry, that I was a passionate woman who tried to make the world a better place? Oh, dear God, let it be so.

©2007 April Lorier

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He Feeds Ravens and Sparrows, So Why Not Me?

The price of everything – that’s gas, groceries, utilities and other essentials – is going up weekly. Sometimes I feel like asking, “Are You aware of this, God? What are you going to do about this situation?”

It was during one of these pessimistic periods that I thought of ravens. [I can’t explain it, so don’t ask.] I decided to run a concordance search on these less-than-beautiful birds and was surprised at all the references in both the Old and New Testaments.

The first story which I remembered from childhood was poor old Elijah. He was worse off, financially, than most of us are. The story is found in I Kings 17:

1 Now Elijah the Tishbite, from Tishbe in , said to Ahab, "As the LORD, the God of Israel, lives, whom I serve, there will be neither dew nor rain in the next few years except at my word."

2 Then the word of the LORD came to Elijah:

3 "Leave here, turn eastward and hide in the Kerith Ravine, east of the Jordan.

4 You will drink from the brook, and I have ordered the ravens to feed you there."

5 So he did what the LORD had told him. He went to the Kerith Ravine, east of the Jordan, and stayed there.

6 The ravens brought him bread and meat in the morning and bread and meat in the evening, and he drank from the brook.

(Then God sent him to the starving widow of Zarephath to be fed with a miraculous re-occurring supply of food for the widow, her son, and Elijah.)

Then, in Luke 12, Jesus was speaking to His disciples:

22 Then Jesus said to his disciples: "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear.

23 Life is more than food, and the body more than clothes.

24 Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds!

25 Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?

26 Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?

Then the Psalmist (chapter 147) God’s love for the ravens is expressed:

7 Sing to the LORD with thanksgiving;make music to our God on the harp.

8 He covers the sky with clouds; he supplies the earth with rain
and makes grass grow on the hills.

9 He provides food for the cattle and for the young ravens when they call.

OK! I feel properly rebuked for my worry! My goodness, if God caused the ravens to bring Elijah breakfast and supper every day for 3½ years, and then sent him to a starving widow with a starving child to supply his needs (and theirs), why in the world wouldn’t He care about me enough to provide in several of His creative ways? God is no respecter of persons, has no favorites, and is the best Parent one could ever hope for!

Even the calls of baby ravens are heard by Almighty God, according to the Psalmist! Oh, come on, girl – don’t you trust your Heavenly Father to supply your needs no matter how bad our economy gets? [Talking to myself again. Don’t eavesdrop!]

Jesus asked His disciples why, if they couldn’t do the relatively simple thing like adding a day to their lives [yeah, right!] by worrying, why on earth would they worry about anything else? I think He would ask me the same thing, and since I hear daily how stress and worry actually kill us, I would be embarrassed to answer.

Ethel Waters sang one of my favorite songs, and I still sing it in my mind at night as I lie in bed. (Although written by lyricist Civilla D. Martin and composer Charles H. Gabriel, the song is often credited as "Traditional". The copyright has expired and it is now public domain in the USA.)

Why should I feel discouraged, why should the shadows come,
Why should my heart be lonely, and long for heaven and home,
When Jesus is my portion? My constant friend is He:
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.

Refrain

I sing because I’m happy,
I sing because I’m free,
For His eye is on the sparrow,
And I know He watches me.

“Let not your heart be troubled,” His tender word I hear,
And resting on His goodness, I lose my doubts and fears;
Though by the path He leadeth, but one step I may see;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.

Refrain

Whenever I am tempted, whenever clouds arise,
When songs give place to sighing, when hope within me dies,
I draw the closer to Him, from care He sets me free;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.

Refrain

(alternative first verse)

Why should I feel discouraged, why should the shadows fall
Why should my heart be troubled, When all but hope is gone?
When Jesus is my fortress; My constant friend is He.
His eye is on the Sparrow, and I know He watches me.
His eye is on the Sparrow, and I know He watches me!

I know my struggle with worry is common to human beings all over the world. I hope you are encouraged by my biblical journey to hope. You, like I, are very valuable to God, and He didn’t teach you to swim just to let you drown now! He is not rubbing His chin, pacing, and thinking, “Boy, I never saw this one coming!”

In spite of how things look, God is still sovereign, still in control, and still God Almighty!

(c) 2007 April Lorier

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Oh, That Sacrilegious Cocker Spaniel!

Churches Hold 'Blessing of the Animals' Services

WASHINGTON - Churches in the U.S. and abroad have celebrated the Feast of St. Francis of Assisi by inviting pets and their owners to "Blessing of the Animals" services.

Episcopal clergy from Washington's National Cathedral prayed over animals at a local shelter.

Pets attending a service in the Netherlands included a canary, a goldfish, a guinea pig, a handful of cats and more than two dozen dogs.

As the Dutch priest spoke of the comfort animals can bring, a dog barked in seeming approval.

During the blessings, the goldfish was in its element as the priest sprinkled it, but a cocker spaniel tried to drink the holy water. [Maybe he was thirsty? How about letting the animals drink before bringing out the Holy Water?]

Copyright 2007 by The Associated Press. All Rights Reserved. (used with permission)

Thank you for this article! | Related Posts

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Live In The Moment Unless You're An ANT

Go to the ant, you sluggard; consider its ways and be wise! It has no commander, no overseer or ruler, yet it stores its provisions in summer and gathers its food at harvest. Proverbs 6-8 NIV

Ants have been around for thousands of years (and hated for the same length of time). Who hasn't aborted a restful picnic because of uninvited ants? And those living in the South are constantly trying to kill "fire ants" -- so named because their stings feel like fire. But evidently God finds value in them because in the Old Testament, written by Solomon and inspired by The Holy Spirit, they teach us a valuable lesson. And in this age of "live in the moment", the lesson seems to have been lost.

Not a day goes by that I am not confronted with an apathetic worker. Could be a grocery store, or a representative on the phone, or a so-called "manager" of some company I'm with whom I'm trying to conduct business. Employees steal from their employers by taking longer breaks, surfing on the net instead of working, or making non-business long distance calls on the company's dime.

And the attitudes of so many workers is, "Hey, lady, I'm doing you a favor by paying attention to you!" (I can't tell you how many times I've wanted to jerk these "workers" bald-headed. But I digress.)

What has happened to the work ethic I learned as a child and then taught to my own children? My parents grew up in the Great Depression, and they knew a thing or two about "storing up for the winter". They were grateful for any chance to work! Why, I had my first out-of-the-home jobs at age 13, washing dishes in the local cafe, and ironing in other people's homes for extra cash.

Seems we've entered "The Nanny State" with people expecting the government (meaning all of us taxpayers) to foot the bill for everything from rent to health care. It's been a while coming, and I've watched all the stages with great sadness. I've even heard people say, "If I have another kid, I'll get $300 more a month!"

Even worse, when I was working with a prison ministry, I heard prisoners say, "If I get out and do another crime, I'll be able to go to a better facility with private TV and even a computer."

I grieve for a society that has sunk into a "what's in it for me" mentality. A society that doesn't seem to be able to grasp the concept of working for their needs and storing up for later. It's as if they never think about tomorrow and all the possible circumstances that could arise. It's the "whatever generation" in full force.

I don't like ants, but I do respect them. Without someone standing over them, they work in concert with each other to earn their own way and store up for the season when it will be harder to work. Without accountability from someone else, they work hard to better themselves. I guess our new motto should be: Live in the moment unless you're an ant.

(c) 2007 April Lorier | Related Posts

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A Christian Divorcee's Purpose

I am a Christian -- a follower of Jesus Christ -- who is also a divorcee. When my more-than 25-year marriage collapsed, I felt my life was over. I had prayed for my spouse for a very long time, and I fully expected God to not just "heal" my marriage, but to give me a brand new marriage with the same spouse. When that did not happen, I wondered where God was, did He even care that I had been betrayed, abandoned, and left to face the unknown totally alone?

To be as committed as I was to the marriage, to my spouse, and to my God, and then to be unceremoniously dumped was devastating. It filled me with a sense of worthlessness and sent me spiraling into a major depression. Feeling I could not trust people or God, I hid midst my four walls for far too long. When friends would say, "You can do whatever you want now, without being accountable to any other human," I always felt like saying, "I don't want to do anything. I just want to be left alone and not be hurt again!"

Does this sound like where you are?

If so, this site is for you! I promise you there is life -- brand new life -- ahead! " Experts" say it will take us one year for every five we were married to "recover". I don't believe any of us ever "recover" from divorce, but we can build a new kind of normal.

Isolation kills us spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and physically!

We need each other for encouragement, support, and accountability!

That's the purpose of this forum. There will be several contributors, and we welcome your responses. This is a safe place. We all shied away from publicity when we were going through either divorce or recovery, so names are not required when you spill out your heart. You do NOT have to leave your email address or your blogger account. (Please leave a first name, though, so when people respond they don't have to say, "Hey you!")

There will be devotionals, humor, personal stories of over comers, and requests for prayer. We will be a community of wounded, banding together for inspiration. Some will be further along than others, but all will be on the journey to New Life!

Welcome to our Site! May you be blessed by every contribution.

(c)2007 April Lorier, A Christian who's divorced

Share your comments with us right here! You can be anonymous!

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God, Are You Lonely Like Me?

Did anyone else in this service feel as lonely as I did last week? Sitting all alone, I felt that no one would notice if I dropped out of church completely. I felt like the only guest at my pity party and I hid inside my skin, hoping no one noticed I was even giving a pity party.

Have You ever felt lonely, God? Is that why You created man: for "fellowship"? I wonder what would have happened if You had sat around waiting for someone else to cure Your loneliness?

"For God so loved . . . .that He GAVE . . ." (John 3:16)

It seems to me that You cured Your loneliness by giving. And what a risk You took when You made man in Your image! That meant man would "mirror" You. And then, it seems to me, You further stacked the deck against Yourself by giving man "free will"! I wonder why You thought it worth the risk?

Just between You and I, Lord, I tried Your solution for loneliness this week, and it worked. I went to the Mission and I gave out of my bankrupt soul. By the time the service was over, my heart was full of gratitude again! I looked around at all the lonely people and shared as much of Your love as You gave to me. The more I gave, the more You gave me to give! So the risk I took by giving, was really no risk at all because You provided what I needed as it was needed.

Thank You, Lord, for teaching me about Your provision. Thank You for taking the risk of giving what was most precious to You: Your Son as sacrifice for my pathetic selfishness. I'm awed by Your giving, Father. Even while I was yet a sinner -- even before I knew I needed saving-- You provided redemption for me! If You can take that risk, then surely I can risk giving again.

Copyright 1990, 2007 April Lorier

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Poetry is Great Therapy!

When I was young and living in an abusive situation, I found great solace in two things: Listening to Charles E. Fuller on "The Old Fashioned Revival Hour" radio program, and writing poetry. The reason I loved poetry was because it allowed me to express my feelings in metaphors which were never understood by my abusing parent. I became very good at "hiding behind words" and I wrote some quality poems. (Practice makes perfect!)

It seems every time I've been in a dark place I've gone back to poetry. And when I'm celebrating an over-coming in one of my friend's lives, I write poetry about it. And, of course, every time I've been "in love" I've gone back to poetry!

Poetry is one of the best forms of therapy known to man. David, The Psalmist, put all of his deep personal feelings into his poems (also called "psalms"), and as a result we have a wonderful resource in God's Word for our most intimate moments with The Lord.

When I was 10 years old, I wrote a poem called "Two Faces Have I", describing how I could not show my feelings if I wanted to survive.

"Two faces have I, for this must be.
Can't show the world what I can see.
Hurt, hurt, hurt, my face shows glad.
Laugh, laugh, laugh, my heart feels sad."

What a sad commentary on my childhood. But, like I said, there have been happy poems and lusty poems, too.

There are divorced Christians who read this blog, and one of them has sent me two poems I want to share with you. They are simple, and profound, and if you think about it, it's how all of us felt when we got left behind.

Please thank all of our contributors by commenting and by clicking on their links! (No cold, hard cash involved here, but we do allow contributors to leave a link.) So, without further adieu, here's two poems by James Burns who lives in Texas and owns his own environmentally-friendly pesticide company.

Our Appleness

The sharp knife of difficulty

carves through our tender skins,

leaving us naked

before the carver

and ourselves.

And we are chewed to the core

Of life.

Copyright 2007 James Burns

Our Balloonness

Past

Future

Converging

Needle-pointedly

On the thin membrane

Of our soul's presentness.

(Copyright 2007 James Burns)

Tutorials For Lawns Gardens and Landscapes

Thank you, James!

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I Wanted A Fairy Tale!

I Wanted a Fairy Tale!

What was it so many pages ago that made me pick up this book?
Was I shopping for a fairy tale as I took another look?
Did its cover court me with promises of "happy-ever-after"?
Was its title a guarantee of endless romance and laughter?

Yes! I saw us in those pictures: The Princess and The Prince!
Ensconced in our vine-covered cottage, complete with a picket fence,
Our window boxes filled with flowers, our oak tree in the back.
Our fireplace, our embrace, our intimacy holding nothing back.

Did you mean to sell me a fairy tale, or were you also deceived?
When you discovered you were not a prince, were you sorry, or relieved?
I don't like this book at all! The words are hard, print too small,
The pages are torn, the cover stained. This isn't a fairy tale at all!

But read, I do, this tear-stained book because of the vow in my heart,
Though sick or healthy, rich or poor, I read till death do us part.
Were you the author of this tragedy, it might sit on the shelf.
I'd dust it, hold it, but not open it -- just to protect myself.

But you are not the author! The ending’s not in your hand!
With Holy Ink, My loving God writes me out of this fairyland.
He says I am His princess and He promises He’ll never leave.

So now He writes my story! At last I can believe!

(c) 1994-2007 April Lorier

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Who Cares What Abusive Parents Are Thinking?

I have been asked many times how a parent could abuse his or her own child. "What were they thinking?" they often ask. So now I will attempt to answer this question.

First, I would point out there are times when abusing parents do not think, They react. They may regret it later, but it won't be long until a new provocation triggers that same reaction.

If drugs (including alcohol) are involved, then there is little thinking involved. The thought pattern of abusing parents is usually passed down from one generation to the next. What children observe is more powerful than what they are told. Therefore, if they observe these skewed thought patterns through behavior, they are absorbed quicker.

"Adults are more important than children. Our feelings are important. Yours are not." Guess what kind of mother this little girl will grow up to be? A belief of unimportance will not make her tolerant of childish behavior. "There are different rules for parents than for children. It is acceptable for us to act inappropriately in order to make you act appropriately."

OK! Hear the double message? It reinforces the unimportance of children's emotions, while it excuses the bad behavior of the parents. "We have no problems in our home except for your behavior. If you would just ‘be good' we could be like The Brady Bunch. You and only you are responsible for our financial problems, our marital problems, and for our inability to control our anger."

What a horrible weight of responsibility is placed on children with this attitude! More than likely, little girls growing up in this atmosphere will become codependent women who keep picking men that need "fixing". Little boys will become men who either run from responsibility or are extremely controlling.

It does more harm than good if a daddy tells his daughter, "I love you" one minute, but the next is telling her how "bad" she is. Will she grow up thinking the only way to be loved is to be bad?

Other attitude of abusing parents are:

• Superiority of adults and their emotions over children
  
• Different rules for adults than for children
• You are our only problem. You are the reason we can't control our tempers.

How many abused women hear those words, "If you wouldn't make me mad, I wouldn't hurt you." Why do so many women believe they have the power to make him so angry? Because they heard it so often - saw it acted out so often - and it's all they know. It's a difficult task, trying to convince an abused woman that she's not responsible for another's anger. It's an odd combination of narcissism and low self-respect.

Another skewed attitude is "What happens in this house stays in this house." The abuser has only as much power as secrets will allow. Once some one speaks out, the abuser loses his/her power. And why don't the abused speak out? Shame. The twisted view is "It's OK for me to be shamed. I deserve it. But it's not OK for my parent (spouse, boyfriend) to be shamed. The only reason he/she acts that way is because I make him/her angry."

And then, "What's real doesn't matter. How things look is what counts." Children of high-profile parents are most susceptible to this skewed logic. If a child knows that Daddy could lose his job if people knew," or "Mama could go to jail if people knew," that child will sublimate every normal emotion on the altar of image. It's especially acute if the parent is involved in a Spiritual Leader role. No child would believe God would approve of "squealing" on that parent!

Finally, "As long as we don't talk about it, it doesn't exist." These family members learn to speak in code. Only the family members understand the code. When these kids grow up they do not make good marriage partners. There's always that elephant in the front room, but no one ever discusses it. They just walk around it, clean up after it, and pretend it's not sitting there. Very little reality exists for these people as they grow into adulthood. They would rather escape reality with food, sex, drugs (including alcohol), pornography, or cultism.

It does matter how parents think. It does matter if they get help breaking these destructive family-heirloom-attitudes. And it is possible to retrain their thoughts! I did it for many years, so I'm speaking from experience. I know it's the only hope for the new generation.

Copyright 1975-2007 April Lorier

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Repetition Compulsion: Why Do I Keep Choosing Wrong?

Why it is that so many children who were neglected or abused end up either becoming abusers themselves, or they marry abusers? It seems to defy logic. That child who swore she would never treat her kids as she was treated does just that!

In my own journey, I've been exposed to several different theories. A psychiatrist will tell you all about "Repetition Compulsion". Simplified, it means you have an unconscious compulsion to create the same dynamic (over and over) that you experienced with the abusing parent. Sounds crazy! But....as my country relatives say, "The devil you know is safer than the devil you don't know."

A woman who was abused as a child can walk into a crowded room where there are many men, but inevitably, she'll gravitate to the one man who seems charming and caring. Won't be long he'll be making her feel just like the parent who abused her. I mean he'll create the same dynamic -- feelings of worthlessness, despair, fear, and "walking on eggshells". It's familiar.

She may have had several men interested in her, but soon got bored with them because they didn't create the familiar crisis she needed to feel "alive". (Carly Simon's song, "Haven't Got Time For The Pain" always appealed to me -- especially when she sang about how she needed the pain just to know she was alive! Oh yeah. That spoke to me!)

We who were abused have two ways to feel loved: being needed -- my love can "fix" him -- or being sexual. It takes a while to find out this ole' boy is not going to be fixed by me! And in the meantime, what little self-respect we had has gone by the wayside. We give up either covertly or overtly. We become disheartened, depressed, and apathetic.

We medicate with food, booze, drugs, sleep, or a new relationship. Or....we take out our frustration/anger on the helpless children under our care. It's easy to do because children know how to hit our buttons.

Children's minds are like sponges just soaking up all the "vibes" around them. Because my father did little to protect me from my mother's abuse, I was always looking for a weak man who I could inspire to be my protector. Usually, the man had a glaring weakness (addiction, little self-respect, or passive-aggressive behavior). But it wasn't long until I got bored with him and moved on to a man who would make me feel like my mother made me feel: abnormal, "in the way", living by the angry person's moods, or beaten down with either physical or verbal abuse. In a sick way, that made the attraction stronger to that man. Eventually, I married a man who was a combination of my mother and my father.

I know another girl who slept with her father until she was 13 years old. They never had sex, but she was always cognizant of his changing body parts when they "spooned". She wet the bed until she was 13, sucked her thumb until she was 13, and allowed her father to make an "emotional wife" of her until she was in her late twenties when he died. He told her his problems instead of his own wife. This girl hated her mother for most of her life. Wonder where she learned that? She's had three marriages: the first to a sexually impotent man, the second to an alcoholic, and the third to a drug-user who was profoundly dishonest. He forged her name to several large loans and left her financially ruined. He sexually abused her daughter. Do I need to tell you she has problems relating to God as "Father"?

So what's the answer? For me it has been having a relationship with my Creator. Not religion, but a relationship. My Bible tells me I was created unique and special by a Heavenly Father who cherishes me. Because my own earthly father never made me feel unique, special or cherished, I had problems accepting in my heart (mind, will, emotions) the truth of that biblical teaching. I lived for years trying to redo the past, trying THIS time to fix that destructive parent-child dynamic. So I had to work it out in my psyche with proactive exercises.

I started by simply putting a childhood picture of me -- it was taken on my third birthday -- in every room in the house.

I kept looking at "her" and thinking, "You are the child God created! And what a special, cute, talented girl you are! What a cutie pie you are, April! You deserve the best God has to give, not the junk you've been settling for. I won't let anyone hurt you!" I did my best to protect that little girl in the picture.

The more I talked to "her", the stronger the desire became to parent her in a loving, patient, nurturing way. I TAUGHT MYSELF TO PARENT MYSELF. I found myself becoming less critical of myself and more patient and accepting of myself. Still, to this day, I find myself saying, "It's OK, April. No big deal. So you made a wrong turn. You're allowed a "do-over"! Make a U-turn and do it over! Think of this as an adventure!"

I can't tell you what a difference this has made for me. No more panic attacks, no more getting lost and beating up on myself, and no more thinking I'm defective. Most of all, no compulsion to rewrite the past!

And always, God rides with me. I can't see him with my human eyes, but I can feel His approval. It makes all the difference in the world! I no longer feel compelled to act upon that self-destructive compulsion. For me, it has been a spiritual process to health and self-respect.

(c) 2007 April Lorier

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Train Up a Child: Unsung Heroes

I had tried to talk my customer out of buying such a large ficus benjamina, explaining a smaller tree would acclimate better to her home environment. But she couldn't wait for the tree to grow, so now, three months later, she was lamenting a bare trunk and stems sitting in her dark den. A younger tree would not have rebelled so violently and would have retained most of its leaves.

Human beings are a lot like plants: the younger we start teaching them about Jesus and His love, the greater the opportunity for that child to know Jesus--not only as Savior, but also as Lord.

My customer's Weeping Fig Tree rebelled by shedding all its leaves, leaving only the bare trunk and branches for "beauty." Had she purchased the younger tree and taken time to acclimate it to darker surroundings, she would have a beautiful tree in her den. Now she was paying for her impatient I-want-it-now decision.

To paraphrase Proverbs 22:6, "Train up a ficus when it is young and when as it ages, it will not rebel by shedding its leaves."

In our churches we have loyal child trainers who rarely ever get noticed. We drop off our children and then head towards the pastor who will train us out of The Word. We certainly wouldn't want the job of dealing with all those noisy children!

Do we ever think about what our children, still with unformed brains, are being taught? There is no one in the church who has a more thankless job than the teacher of toddlers and preschoolers. If the custodian doesn't do his job, we notice! But it’s not the same with these faithful people who are planting seeds in our children's minds and hearts.

Far too often we overlook those faithful nursery workers and preschool teachers in our churches. I'm ashamed of the "babysitter" mentality we seem to project upon them. When we get to Heaven, we may well find out they were the most effective seed planters of all!

I thank God for all those unsung heroes who, Sunday after Sunday, without any bravado or recognition, plant seeds in the precious soil of our children's hearts and minds. Maybe these kids will have a fighting chance at productive lives as they become adults.

Copyright 1990, 2007 April Lorier

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How To Tell If Your Personal Boundaries Are Being Violated

Do you know when some one is stepping all over your personal boundaries?

One of the after-effects of child abuse is the inability to either construct or enforce personal boundaries. Most of the Adult Children of Abuse [ACAb] I have met have no concept of "boundaries". They know walls, cell bars, and hiding places, but not boundaries. (I love this book, Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud)

It is part of their recovery to learn healthy boundaries -- fences, I call them: "I end here, and your rights end at the gate. This is my territory and you may not enter without my permission. If you violate my property (physically, verbally, emotionally, mentally) then I can be strong enough to let you know you are over-stepping your bounds, either with my words or my actions." Wow! How many years did it take for me to reach that point?

Many abusers try to do an end run around the "NO!" by using passive-aggressive methods like insinuation, dominating the conversation, demeaning tone in their voices, or sarcasm.

ACAbs learn to live and grow around someone else's boundaries (or walls of silence, or blocks of anger). We become so adaptable that soon we lose any sense of self. I did that. There was no such thing as my schedule, just adapting my life to everyone else's needs. This is especially a problem with Christians who are active in their churches! Even pastors have a problem drawing boundaries! That's why they burn out!

When it goes too far, a person can end up dissociating with his/her own identity. Or the ACAb can experience PTSD [Post Traumatic Stress Disorder] as I did. Hey! It's not just soldiers on the battlefield that have it!

ACAbs who grew up in a battlefield at home can experience nocturnal Grand Mal seizures, severe memory loss, night terrors, panic disorders, and other serious symptoms. It's a full time job just trying to make sense of the insane.

Someone said to me, "So he had a bad childhood. Who didn't?" I would have been shocked if I hadn't already seen that attitude prevailing around me. So why does it matter?

When a child's brain is growing, and his ability to reason is non-existent, he's like a big old sponge, just soaking up all the images, sounds, impressions and silences around him. You know, even my dog knows what her behavior should be by the sound of my voice, or the look on my face! How much more does a child internalize his atmosphere?

Even at three years of age, I knew it was my fault Mama was angry or sick all of the time. I begged Santa Claus to bring her a present instead of me so she would be happy for a change. How pathetic is that?

And at five years, I sat in the Alligator Park in El Paso, watching all the passers-by faces. I was hyper sensitive to body language and facial expressions, and felt totally responsible for all those who were angry, sad, bitter, or poor.

I grieved over every one of those adults, and my brain immediately went into motion trying to figure out how I could "fix" them. That made me an easy target for predators.

Predators come in many disguises. They can be siblings, parents, pastors, deacons, school teachers, school janitors, professional counselors, or even SELF.

Take a person with no sense of self, no ability to even conceptualize a boundary, add raging never-met needs, and you have a self-destructive person.

That takes us to addictions, fear of success, loneliness, isolation, depression, perfectionism (either slacker or over-achiever), self-mutilation, and the list goes on.

Boundaries - the ability to set and enforce boundaries - have to be taught to ACAbs by caring counselors. I've never known anyone who just learned one day how to set and enforce boundaries.

Jesus had boundaries! When He disappeared into the hills to be alone with His Father, I'm sure his disciples wondered what the deal was with his sudden disappearances.

Boundaries are quiet.

Walls and cell bars are loud, angry, and very aggressive.

My goal is still the same as it was years ago: Today I will set quiet healthy boundaries. I will, with God's help, enforce these boundaries if needed. And yes, I will respect the boundaries of others without internalizing them and feeling "unloved and unappreciated".

Whew! That's a full-time job for an Adult of Child Abuse!


(c) 2007-2008 April Lorier

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Boundaries For Everyone But Myself

One of the most difficult recovery tools to learn is the ability to draw boundaries – not just outward but also inward boundaries. (In the last post, we talked about drawing outer boundaries with other people. This is the next step.)

As I walked through recovery I eventually learned to draw boundaries with my mother. I learned to form boundaries, articulate my boundaries, and then to reinforce my boundaries with her. Because my boundaries upset the equilibrium in my family of origin, it took her a while to realize I meant business. Then we were able to forge a new relationship with boundaries on both sides equally respected. (I write about the difficulties in this process in my new book God’s Battered Child: From Abuse to Leader)

What has taken much longer to learn is forming inner boundaries with myself! One only has to look at nature to see how necessary boundaries are. These flowers (above), for example: if there were no color boundaries, there would be no beauty. The same is true of self.

Jesus is a good example of a healthy person realizing He knew when He needed to withdraw and be alone with His Father. I’m trying, even now, to learn the same thing.

I care deeply about those I love and lately I’ve been internalizing too much of their pain and frustration. The more I internalize other people’s problems the less I appreciate the uniqueness of my self.

I was rubbing lotion on my feet and legs today and an inner voice asked, “How long has it been since you nurtured yourself? How long since you lathered healing lotion on these legs that serve you so well?" (You had to be there to appreciate the profundity of the moment.)

It is so easy to slide back into self-dismissal! Life comes at us so fast and furious that we spend precious time and health just reacting to the latest crisis – even if the crisis is not our own!

Today do something luxurious for yourself. Take a long bubble bath. Get a pedicure. Go to a dollar store and buy something totally frivolous. Or lather your body in sweet-smelling oils and savor the moment.

Most of all, be tough with yourself: no internalizing anyone else’s problems! Life being what it is, it won’t be long until you have another problem of your own to solve!

Copyright 2007 April Lorier

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Does God Have Eyelids? Does He Blink?

I was born into a family of child abuse. To complicate matters further, I was a preacher's kid. My mother, herself a victim of child abuse, had no healthy coping skills. She treated me like she had been treated, and I, a child with ADD, gave her ample opportunity to vent her frustration on me.

My life, even after growing up and leaving the parsonage, was filled with crisis, self-destructive behavior, and the inability to reconcile God's alleged love for me with allowing me to be born into a family where I would be severely abused. I had known Jesus as a child, and I had loved Him. I accepted him as my Savior, and to me, that meant He would save me from further abuse. When the abuse didn't stop, I lost faith not in His ability to save, but in His willingness to save me.

Now, after years of Christian recovery, I am convinced that God never blinks.

He placed me where He wanted me. While I don't believe He condoned the abuse, I do know what should have destroyed me, God has turned into a chance for Christian Ministry. In retrospect, I see numerous times where God supernaturally intervened to protect me. He hadn't left me at all.

He brought surrogate mothers into my life at four critical junctures in my life, and they gave me what my birth mother could not. Even before I was born, God had made provision for me, and as usual, His timing was perfect. In the midst of my own pain, I had lost sight of the sovereignty of God. Fortunately, God remembered that He has all things in His control, and He never lost sight of the plan He had for my life. No, He never blinked.

"Thank you, Lord, for who You are: the same God who planned the lives of Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, David, and all of Your other children. Let me never forget that You see the whole picture from beginning to end, while I see only in part. Let me remember: it's not over until You say it's over.

Copyright 1997, 2007 April Lorier

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Secrets of Morning Glories

As the Summer Sun peeks over the mountain, they stir midst my white pickets. Only two hours later, they are open, fully alive to the days possibilities.

Their fragile purple splendor is as beautiful today as it was yesterday, in spite of less-than-ideal conditions. Ants, snails, high heat, lack of sufficient water, and pecking birds have not deterred these glorious Morning Glory Blossoms from blooming yet again.

I believe I've learned their secret: they live one-day-at-a-time, and give each day all the gusto they possess.

But once the sun begins to wane, the process begins in reverse. Slowly, each blossom closes down shop and goes protectively into the dark with closed petals. Not one of them works overtime, or tries to extend the day. Inherently, they know they need recuperation from the days adversities if they want energy for tomorrows blooms.

Even when night snails try to push open the petals, the blossoms sleep on, snuggled, unscathed by worries or fears.

Somehow they know they'll have another chance to bloom beautifully tomorrow.

What can I learn from this beautiful Morning Glories? Tomorrow is a new day. It is necessary to close one door before opening another. Each day is a door. If I carry worry and fear to bed, then I sabotage my self for a successful tomorrow.

The first saying a recovering addict learns in a 12-step program is, "One Day At A Time." Why is that? The Bible clearly states we are not to worry about tomorrow, for each day has enough evil in it. We are to CHOOSE to live one day at a time. Maybe ole' Scarlett wasn't so far off-base, after all: "I'll just worry about that tomorrow!

(c)2007 April Lorier

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Obese Plant and Spiritual Root Rot

In my enthusiasm for care giving, I over-watered and over-fed this plant. Now it's dead. As a horticulturist, I declare it died of "root-rot." As I think about it more, however, I decide to look at it another way. Unable to put to use all of the food and water I poured into the soil, the poor plant died of "obesity."

Day after day, I pour principles and truths into my mind, and how much of it do I actually use? I read about forgiveness, and intellectually I understand the principle. I even agree with it. Then a friend stands me up, a family member is insensitive, or a rude driver cuts me off on the freeway, and what is my first response? Painful childhood memories invade my mind, and instinctively I react in a way that doesnt glorify You.

It is frightening, Lord, to realize that You will hold me responsible for all the principles and truths I cram into my mind as I try to gain knowledge of Your ways. Like Your Parable of the Talent teaches, You expect me to use what I'm being taught. It is one thing to hear You, quite another to obey You. In fact, Judaism teaches that one does not know a truth until one has put it to use. Do then know.

I've discovered that I don't really know anything that I've not put to use. It is in doing the principle that I learn. Until then, I am nothing more than a "spiritual glutton," feeding myself more than I can use in my daily walk with You.

Lord, I don't want to stand before You as a "spiritual glutton." I don't want tons of head knowledge, but no heart knowledge because I have not been a doer. Help me be a doer o f Your Word, and not a hearer only. Save me from "spiritual root-rot.

"Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says."
James 1:22 NIV

Copyright 2007 April Lorier

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A PK On The Jagged Edge of the Pew

It was 1954 and it seemed to me that everyone was talking about building bomb shelters. Rock and Roll was causing quite a stir, and old "I LIKE IKE" buttons were still hanging on Mama and Daddy's dresser. New Mexico was a Democratic State and Daddy was one of the few Republicans who admitted they were Republicans.

This was Daddy's second year at this church, and already there was talk of building a new sanctuary with lots of classrooms.

Mama had outdone herself in this full-time ministry. The people appreciated her musical abilities as well as her ability to get things done. She organized duets, trios, quartets, all-girl-sextets, instrumental groups, and any other type of special music one could imagine. The church members felt Mama was "doing them proud," and she loved all the attention she was getting.

Janine and I usually seemed to be in trouble for giggling in church and Mama always sat on the back pew during Daddy's sermons. From that vantage point she could scrutinize not only our behavior, but also the behavior of the entire congregation. She noticed who slept during the sermon, who seemed to be under conviction, who wasn't in church that day, and other helpful information which would always be given to Daddy over Sunday Dinner.

Mother coughed when we giggled or whispered, coughed when Daddy's sermon was running over-time, and coughed when Daddy made another grammatical error. Her coughing gave us ample material to fuel the laughter, especially after she recruited us into her trio. Mother thought of it as job security to show the congregation how talented the pastor's family was.

After the hymns, the announcements, the offertory, and the Doxology, Janine and I knew it was Show Time for us. It was called "special music," of course, and wasn't supposed to show any similarity to show business, but it always seemed like show biz to me.

Janine and I would watch Mother rise from her piano bench, and, like Leonard Bernstein posturing before the New York Philharmonic, she'd walk, music in hand, to center stage. My sister and I would obediently follow from the choir loft. Janine and I would watch in humorous amazement as Mother's demeanor and posture metamorphosed into that of an opera singer: squared shoulders, tucked pelvis, her ample chest pushed forward, hands held together in front, and chin up. Janine, who sang alto, would stand on Mother's left. I, who sang the tenor part an octave higher than it was written, would stand on Mother's right. We knew to wait for Mother to pull herself up to her full 5'9" height, take a deep breath, and give a cursory glance over the congregation.

Then, as she would look left to cue the substitute pianist, Janine's eyes and mine would meet, but quickly look away lest we fall into laughter. A hush would fall over the congregation and after pausing just long enough to let the poignancy of the moment settle in, Mother would open her eyes wide, set her mouth with a pleasant professional half-smile, and lift her chin even higher to suggest the utmost in classical decorum. That's when it would happen.

Janine and I, able to see each other peripherally, would fall helplessly into giggling, which would earn each of us an immediate painful pinch behind the pulpit where no one could see. Mother's pinches were always painful enough to modify our behavior, and once we composed ourselves, the show would go on.

Once we were safely seated in our middle pew, however, the scenario would be replayed during Daddy's sermon as I whispered, giggled, imitated Mother, and ignored her incessant coughing from the back pew.

I think the church members must have thought Mother had tuberculosis. I’m sure no one knew how important laughter was to me. With all of the inconsistencies between my “perfectly happy" public life and my abusive home life, I took every opportunity to act out in a public setting. I knew her Patrician upbringing, and her need for the appearance of perfection would ensure my safety in church; however, it was as though I was always sitting on the jagged edge of the pew – waiting for the inevitable consequences of being bad. The tension was so great inside me, I had to either laugh or go completely insane.

Please note: This is an excerpt from God's Battered Child: Journey from Abuse to Leader (2007), available on this blog and online stores.

Copyright 2007 April Lorier All Rights Reserved Worldwide

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Cheap Soul Soil for My Savior?

As a young housewife, I had little money to spend on house plants. I lived for sales at discount stores! But as the plants continued to die, I began to think there was something wrong with ME. Not only was my thumb not green, I thought it was ready to fall off from gangrene!

Experience eventually taught me that the problem was not me, but the cheap soil used by the chain-store-growers who cut back on expenses by not adding soil amendments. To induce quick growth, they used peat moss which, when dry, makes the soil harden and pull away from the sides of the pot.

Even though I watered regularly, no water was able to penetrate the soil because it ran down the side between the compacted soil and the sides of the pot.

As an adult I am responsible for providing healthy nourishment to my body. If I don’t, I will suffer. The same applies to my mental, psychological, and spiritual health: garbage in, garbage out.

There is so much emphasis put on the physical in this world, but I am a TRIUNE being, and the spirit is supposed to be in charge, not the physical.

As a child of God, I am responsible for providing my own spirit with rich amendments:

• Quiet prayer time to build intimacy with my Heavenly Father
• Bible study to learn more about God’s viewpoint
• Spiritual music that by-passes the brain and enhances my spirit
• Christian fellowship with other believers to build unity in the Body of Christ
• Time and energy spent on behalf of those in need just like Jesus did
• Making time to get out into God’s awesome magical creation where I’m always overcome with wonder at His sovereignty, His creativity, and His “magic”

I can't afford any "peat moss" of bitterness, anger, or counter-productive thoughts. The result would be a hard, shriveled up soul that pulls away from life and from God. I must meditate daily on whatever things are true~ noble~ just~ pure~ lovely~ of good report~ virtuous~ praiseworthy. [Phil 4:8-9]

I don't want to be a discount anything for my Lord! I prayerfully made a list of all the important components of “soul soil” and I purposed in my heart that I would not defile myself spiritually. No shrinking away from Him or the harsh realities of life!
(I sure could use Your help today, Lord.)

(c) 2007 April Lorier

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A Shih Tzu Paralyzed by FEAR

For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. 2 Tim 1:7

When I bought Buster he was a playful six-week-old ShihTzu puppy with a tail that wagged twice as fast as any I'd ever seen. I named him "Metronome in Cut-Time", but I called him Buster.

When he was twelve weeks old he witnessed the accidental self-hanging of his older friend, "Sassy". Then there were the earthquakes. Poor Buster is not the same. Oh, he's still playful and confident when he's in his territory; but put him in the car and he crouches in fear on the back floor, missing all the scenery.

Seriously handicapped by his own fear, he walks with his tail and head down during our park walks and runs the other way if a new friend runs over to say "hello". Out of his comfort zone, he's paralyzed. He suffers from what I call the comfort zone syndrome.

I receive bad news from the doctor, a husband leaves after thirty years, or one of my children ends up in jail, and I hide behind closed blinds, paralyzed by fear. I wonder where You are and why You aren’t rescuing me from such pain.

Like Buster, I must look pathetic as I crouch in fear on the back floor during these times. I see no scenery – no possibilities beyond my pain. I see only dust balls of fear.

I’m tired of my fear keeping me from being useful to You, Lord. And I’m ashamed. I’ve shown an obvious lack of trust in Your character and in Your words: "Fear not for I am with you always." I’m ready to jump into life with both feet, Lord – unencumbered by the spirit of fear. I’m tired of slowly dying from the comfort zone syndrome.

Forgive my fear, Lord, and help me jump up to the window of faith. Let me see the scenery! More than anything, let me see YOU!

(c) 2007 April Lorier

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What Christians Need to Know About Me

What I (and other divorcees) would like you to know:

1. It takes 2 people to make a marriage work. Just because I’m divorced doesn’t mean I didn’t do everything in my power to save my marriage.

2. My marriage was not doomed by some sort of fatal flaw in me, so please stop looking for one. Divorce is a heavy enough burden to bear without adding shame to the load.

3. I did not suddenly want to be with only single women all the time. I value men’s input, and need to witness healthy marriages to heal. My grief is compounded when I’m excluded from groups and friends simply because I’m divorced.

4. I define myself by more than my marital status. I’m also a mom, a reader, graphic artist, writer, musician, home-owner, dog-lover, friend, choir member, reader and worshiper. Please don’t think you have nothing in common with me just because I’m divorced.

5. I do not need to hear another Bible verse. I need acceptance from people who will affirm my worth and give me a place to belong. Please allow me to be where I’m at even if it makes you uncomfortable.

6. There is no set time when I will be “over it.” Healing needs to happen on many levels. I have to double back through my deepest wounds often to learn new responses. That doesn’t mean, however, that I’m not making progress.

7. Not everything about my ex spouse is bad. Please don’t make a future positive relationship between him and my kids any harder for me by making derogatory remarks about him.

8. I need friends who will be sounding boards to help me think through decisions about my home, career and parenting. I do not need people to tell me what I “should” do or what they would do if they were in my shoes. That only undermines my already-fragile self-confidence.

9. If you really want to help me, encourage my children to honor their mother. I take responsibility for being honor-worthy, but on Mother’s Day, my birthday and Christmas my kids could use an extra push in the right direction.

10. I have a lot to offer. The lessons I’ve learned through divorce would probably bless anyone who got to know me. Yes, I’ve been wounded and need the church, but I’ve also discovered that the church needs me just as much.

Thank you, Deb from http://divorcehelpforchristianwomen.com
Copyright 2005

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Daylight Savings Time and Faith

This photo on the left is Summer at a mill in Idaho. See how happy the tree leaves look? And why shouldn't they be happy? They are well-watered, have plenty of sunshine, and they have been programmed by The Creator to "show off" their plumage! it's like every thing is wonderful and will never change.

Now, the photo on the right is of the same mill, but the Season is Autumn.What few leaves are left are either gold, red, or crusty brown. Are these trees full of angst over the changing season? Are they depressed unto death? No! Without any faith on their part, they're just accepting the inevitable!

With the changing of Daylight Savings Time, most of us (except those in Arizona) have been made acutely aware of our energy levels. It's dark so early now, and because our bodies are so influenced by the energy of the sun and moon, we automatically FEEL tired earlier! It's easier to get depressed or upset now. We don't like change!

There is a spiritual lesson in this for me. Solomon said, "To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under heaven..." Ecclesiastes 3:1

And in Proverbs 15:23, "A man has joy by the answer of his mouth, And a word spoken in due season, how good it is!"

Psalm 104:27, " These all wait for You,That You may give them their food in due season."

So, with just a few of the references to "due season" and "time" I begin to understand that God does deal in Seasons. And those of us who live by faith in His sovereignty must understand that faith is not about "what could be" or what should be". Faith is believing in what IS. Whatever the situation right now, it is as it should be in the grand scheme of God's will. It may not feel like it, but it is!

Here's an example. When my marriage of more than 25 years ended unexpectedly, my faith had to learn to say, "Lord, I don't understand this, but I accept what is right now and I trust You with it." God is neither constrained by time, nor blind to it. He foreknew I would be left alone, and He had already set in motion several miraculous avenues of support and provision. All He required of me was to accept "the season" and trust Him with it.

I think plants are lucky. They don't, to my knowledge, wonder and worry about all the changes in their lifetime. They just go with the flow, fit in with the current season, and grow deeper roots during the cold leafless Winter Season. I'm a human and I find it much harder to deal with constant change. It requires strong faith on my part. And "faith comes by hearing, and hearing by The Word of God." (Romans 10:16)

Gotta run! Time for Bible Study!
(c)2007 April Lorier
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Divorce, Abuse and Stress

Because I value feedback from the readers of my blogs, I ran Women’s Polls on three of my blogs during the month of November. More than 300 women participated. Some of the results were surprising, while others, because of my counseling experience with women, were not. Like all polls, I picked the questions based on what I knew to be the most important issues for women: divorce, abuse, and stress.

Christian Divorcee Poll

I asked readers what the most difficult issues were dealing with life as divorced women. In my attempt to be fair, I allowed each participant to pick multiple issues. They did not have to be Christian believers to participate.

• 32% said explaining the circumstances of the divorce to relatives, including children was most difficult.

• 52% said fear of living life alone was the worst part of divorce, even if they had children.

• 57% said a lack of motivation was holding them back from getting on with “a new kind of normal”.

• 67% said they were having trouble trusting God again. They had prayed for their marriages, tried to do everything they could to be loving wives, and still, they were divorced.

• 75% said they felt totally out of place in social situations. They had been part of a couple so long they didn’t know how to be single.

• 80% said that dealing with loneliness was the biggest hurdle they had to jump.

I concluded from this poll that divorce hurts women regardless of the circumstances, notwithstanding the available support systems available. It didn’t seem to matter who had filed for divorce. The aftershock was the same.

Women Who Had Been Abused Poll

On the poll for women who had been abused, either as children or as adults, these were the results. They were not what I expected.

• Only 48% said they were sexually abused. I wondered if that number was low because some of the women have repressed those memories. All indications suggest that number should be much higher.

• 48% said they were physically abused. This number would include “mild” abuse and “severe” abuse.

• 52% said at least one of their parents were alcoholics. That number made sense to me. For years I lectured in Universities on the predisposing factors for child abuse, and alcohol or drug abuse was #5 on the list of ten.

• 73% said they had been emotionally abused. I have ambivalent feelings about “emotional abuse” since it could be anything from saying “no” to stripping one’s will to live.

But the category that did not surprise me – the 100% category – was that every woman who claimed to have experienced abuse in their lifetime had been divorced at least one time! Yes! That’s the essence of my book God’s Battered Child! The effects of child abuse are long-lasting!

The abused boy or girl usually grows up and picks a partner who will keep that dynamic going: that same dynamic he or she experienced with the abusing parent! It’s called “Repetition Compulsion” and it has made thousands of counselors (both adequate and inadequate ones) busier and wealthier. How I wish I could make young parents understand this simple principle: How you treat your child will determine the choices your child makes for a long, long time.

Women’s Greatest Challenge Poll

And last, I wanted to know the greatest challenges that women face. This applied to all women whether they were divorced, or had been abused, or had escaped all of that. I was, again, surprised by some of the results.

• 46% said getting everything done was their biggest challenge. I thought that number would be higher since that seems to be what I hear about the most.

• 49% said they didn’t feel fit, feminine, or sexy. OK! Thank you, Hollywood propaganda machine!

• 60% said their biggest problem was dealing with past issues. I thought that sounded right.

• 68% said they couldn’t find time for themselves. This confused me since only 46% said they had difficulty getting everything done.

• A whopping 95% said they didn’t have time for “quiet time with God”. I really pondered this result, and I wondered how many of the other categories would have had smaller numbers if these women started their day with God in the quiet of the morning.

© 2007 April Lorier

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