Child Abuse Recovery, Part 4

Psalm 18:2-3 The Lord is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom I will trust; my buckler, and my horn of my salvation, and my high tower. I will call upon the Lord, who is worthy to be praised: so shall I be saved from mine enemies. KJV

Adults who have been abused as children often carry the emotional, spiritual and even physical pain in their adult lives. The same holds true for those that have been sexually abused. We carry it; the memory of the abuse becomes a part of us. I've carried so much shame all my life for what happened to me. My anger turned into a deep rooted depression. I carried that depression all my life until I started releasing it through my writing.

I noticed that when I was working on my first book of poetry that my depression was lifting. Much of my poetry had to do with expressing my thoughts and feelings. There was one poem in particular that helped me. It was a poem about being forced by my father to have an abortion. My mom never had much to say about it, but she didn't stand up for me. Then after the deed was done, she said I was a murderer. No, they were the murderers. They both murdered my spirit back then. They not only murdered my unborn child, but they murdered me to a degree.

Back then, parents either sent their kids off to have unwanted babies, or they took them to have an abortion. My family wanted to keep the illusion that they were perfect and had nothing to be ashamed of. Apparently I had brought shame onto them for getting myself pregnant. That abortion was nearly 40 years ago, yet that loss is still so ever present in my mind. There is nothing I can do to bring back the little one I lost; but I wrote this poem in honor of all the little ones that were forced by someone else to be aborted. I am in no way judging anyone who has an abortion by her own choice, but for those girls, and women that didn't have a choice to keep their little ones. This poem is for them.

The Little Ones

Let us pray for the little ones

Who do not have a voice.

Let us stop the murder

Of those that have no choice!

Let us pray for God to rein;

Come, Lord Jesus, Come.

Do not allow your innocent ones

To suffer violently

Before they're even born.

Let us pray for God to rein,

God, save your people;

Make an everlasting change.

Start with every heart, one by one.

Let us pray for the little ones

Who do not have a voice.

Parents think they are doing the right thing for their children when they push them into terminating a pregnancy; however, if the one who is pregnant doesn't want to end the pregnancy, I think the parents owe it to their daughter to listen. There are always other options if the daughter wants to keep the child. I would never force my daughter to have an abortion against her will. I know the trauma that I went through for more than 30 years. I don't beat myself up anymore for having the abortion.

I gave my baby a sex, I think of my baby as a female. I believe she is with God now, and I also believe she will greet me when I get there. You can read the story about that time in my life here, called My Biggest Secret.

(c)2008 Charlene Collins, Guest Writer for Today
(This is part 4 of a series she is doing. The rest of it can be found by clicking on her Associated Content name.)

2008 April Lorier | Related Posts APRIL LORIER - So. California. An award-winning poet, inspirational author and speaker. A survivor of both child abuse and adult domestic abuse, April inspires women to be all that God designed them to be! She first gained recognition as a children's rights crusader while successfully fighting for the passage of the Child Abuse and Neglect Reporting Act (CANRA), which was signed into law by Ronald Reagan.